It All Comes Down To This
by special2401
Summary: The Prequel 'You Can't Run' was full of drama and heartache, but now Meredith and Derek are together and they're fighting for forever. With life being thrown at them more than they deserve, can they make it?
1. Chapter 1: Hide and Seek

**This is the sequel to You Can't Run. As the story goes on, it takes a much different tone than its prequel. This story isn't just a sequel to You Can't Run, but kind of like the next section of all of their lives. I really hope you liked the first one and I hope that you all like this one as well.**

**I began writing the other one in September and had it completely finished before I started posting it on this site. My writing style has changed a lot, so in my opinion, this story is written much better than the previous, so I hope you guys enjoy it.**

**And as to the question of Sam's return, my only response is that I love Sam way too much to just let him end with the first story! **

**Some of the updates at first are slightly confusing. On the first site that I posted this at, I used colors to help make it make more sense, but I only have bold, italics, and underline on this site. **

**To help a little, I'm giving you all a small key:**

**Bold text is the lyrics from the song Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap. It's a wonderful song and I highly suggest listening to it while reading this. It adds a tone to this chapter and it's a pretty great song!**

**_Italics are past tense. _The past tense is sometimes things that happened right after the accident, but it also goes much farther back as well!**

Normal is present tense. The present tense on this chapter is hours after the last chapter of the prequel.

**Underlined things are things that Derek has said to Meredith over the entire prequel. They are running through Meredith's mind and they go as far back as the very first chapter.**

**Once again, I really hope that you guys like this story. I know it might seem a little cryptic, but it all adds up! I promise!

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**Chapter 1: Hide and Seek**

**Where are we?**

_All she could hear was sirens. Blaring. They were too loud. The only thing she could feel was something wet. She didn't even want to try and figure out what it was. Her head just hurt so much. _

**What the hell is going on?**

"_Looks like a women in her early thirties. Head contusion. God, there's blood everywhere." It wasn't a familiar voice. She had never heard it before._

**The dust has only just begun to form**

"_There's no way she's going to survive. Is there a pulse?" This voice wasn't any more familiar. It was fading. In and out. _

**Crop circles in the carpet**

"_Uhh… It's faint. Very faint. Faint, but there." Everything was blurry. Everything was swirling and spinning. Nothing was focusing._

**Sinking, feeling**

"What the hell are you talking about? Why are you calling me so late, Derek?"

"You just need to get back down to the hospital," he couldn't say anything else. That's all the words he could force out of his mouth.

**Spin me 'round again**

"_Shit. This can't be happening. Get the hell out of way. Get the fuck out of my way!"_

**And rub my eyes,**

"_Sir, we're trained paramedics, we need to help this woman. Please, sir, stay out of our way." One of the voices said. She could slightly feel his touch on her arm. It was unfamiliar. Strange and uncomforting. _

**This can't be happening**

"_To hell with trained paramedics. I'm the Head of Neurosurgery at Seattle Grace and that's the love of my life, now get out of my way!" That voice she recognized. It was like salvation. _

**When busy streets a mess with people**

"_Meredith? Meredith, can you here me?" The voice was lower now. It was comforting and soothing. She could feel his touch as well. It made her want to fight back at the blurring lines, clouding her vision even more. She tried, but she couldn't._

**Would stop to hold their heads heavy**

"Where is she?"

"Who?" The nurse didn't really know what was going on at all, but the panicked couple in front of her worried her a little.

"Meredith Grey! Where is she?!"

**Hide and seek**

"I'll never let you go again."  
  
**Trains and sewing machines**

"I'm never going to leave your side, no matter what happens between us or to us."

**All those years**

"Remember, I love you. I'll love you forever."  
  
**They were here first**

"She's going to wake up again. Everything will be fine. Nothing is going to go wrong," he just had to keep telling himself that.

"You can't get your hopes up. You are a doctor. You know the realities of this situation."

**Oily marks appear on walls**

"_What do we have here? Excuse me! I'm trying to be a doctor here! Now if you want me to help this girl, get the hell out of my way and do something productive. Now, what the hell do we have here?" Bailey barked at the EMT's that were getting on her last nerve._

**Where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,**

"_Umm, Dr. Bailey, umm… It's…. It's one of us," a doctor answered, completely unsure of himself. _

**The sweeping insensitivity of this still life**

"_One of us? Get out of my way. Just as stupid and cryptic as you were when you were an intern. Get out of my way."_

**Hide and seek**

"_Dr. Bailey-" he tired to spare his boss from this, but she wouldn't let him.  
_

"_Meredith."_

**Trains and sewing machines (You won't catch me around here)**

"_Dr. Bailey? Dr. Bailey, are you alright?" he asked, watching his own boss fall apart before him. "Damn it, someone help her! And page someone else too. I'm going to need some help down here!"_

**Blood and tears**

"_Come on, get her out of there. I need an OR ready for me, now," he started parking out orders as quickly as he could, "I need a neuro attending. Not Dawson or Shepherd. The best next to them. Understand? Do NOT page Dawson or Shepherd. I need any other surgeons I can get."_

**They were here first**

"What the hell is going on here?" her yelling stopped the second she laid eyes on the hunched over figure. She hadn't always liked him or respected him, but she had never seen him in such a pitiful form. She had never seen him so hurt. She walked over to him and sat down. She mustered up a softer voice, "Is she okay?"

**Mmmm what d'ya say,**

"_Karev? Is that Grey on the table? What the hell happened to her?"_

**Mmmm that you only meant well?**

_Alex looked over Meredith and then back up to Dr. Jacobs. "I have no idea," he said honestly. "They said it was a car accident."_

**Well of course you did**

"_Let's save our colleague then, shall we?" he asked before the surgery began as more surgeons piled in, only guessing what damage Meredith may have. _

**Mmmm what d'ya say,**

_Two hours into the surgery, Meredith stopped breathing. "We're losing her, people," Dr. Jacobs said as Alex pushed past him._

**Mmmm that's all for the best?**

_Without a word from any of his superiors, he started doing compressions. He barked out orders to the nurses, doing everything he could for Meredith. "Come on, Mer," he said as he continued with compressions. "Damn it, Meredith!"_

**Because it is**

"_Karev, she's been gone for a minute. There's no way she hasn't suffered brain damage," Dr. Jacobs said, trying to pull Alex away from Meredith's body. _

**Mmmm what d'ya say?**

"_I'm not going to let her die!" Alex yelled, surprising everyone in the OR into backing off of him. "Come on," he said as he shocked her for the third time. _

**Mmmm that it's just what we need**

"_Karev, she's gone," Bailey said in a monotone voice as she entered the OR._

**You decided this**

_Alex stopped and looked back at Dr. Bailey. He looked pale and completely scared out of his mind. He was helpless. _

**Mmmm what d'ya say?**

_Alex turned around and looked at Meredith's frail, lifeless body. He then looked up at the clock. Right before he pronounced her death, her machines began to register again. _

**Mmmm what did she say?**

"What happened?"

"Iz, you're pregnant. You need to calm down. You can't freak out. It won't be good for the baby," George said concerned as he ushered Izzie over to a chair.

"Where's Alex? Where's my husband?"

George looked over at Cristina. They had no idea where Alex was.

**Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth**

"_She has to be okay. I'll do anything for her to be okay. Everything was going so perfectly. The promises, the ring, everything. Everything was just perfect. We were going to be perfect again. This wasn't supposed to happen," Derek said with his head in his hands as he hide the tears rolling down his face. _

**Midsweet talk, newspaper word cut outs**

"_Pull yourself together. Be strong," Preston said. He didn't know how to deal with this. Him and Cristina didn't handle emotions. Derek, however, was crying and letting his emotions and feelings be shown to the rest of the world. How was Preston supposed to handle that?_

**Speak no feeling**

_Another man looked at the two men who were sitting in the privacy of a break room. It had a few couches, a table, and a small coffee cart. He'd never really spent time in one before, always choosing his office instead. _

**No I don't believe you**

_He looked at the grown man crying before him. He'd known him for years and had never seen him cry. Not even at funerals for his close family. That man didn't cry. He had too much pride for that. But right now, he was crying like there was no tomorrow. Because maybe, for him, there wasn't._

**You don't care a bit, **

_Despite everything going on around him, despite all the sadness everyone was feeling, Ryan was numb. Even looking at Derek fall apart didn't make him shed a tear. He couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with him. He had loved Meredith hadn't he?_

**You don't care a bit**

"Rob, what if she's not alright? What if we lose her?" The older man cradled his wife's fragile body, unsure of how to comfort her. "We practically raised her since she was four. She's one of our babies. I can't lose her."

"We won't, I promise," he whispered into her ear as he held her. He had never broken a promise to his wife before and he hoped he wouldn't break this one either.

**Hide and seek**

"I'm going to help fix you. One day, you aren't going to be broken anymore."

**Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth**

"If this is a mistake, then we'll figure that out one day. But for right now, it's risk I'm more than willing to take."

**Midsweet talk, newspaper word cut outs**

The entire hospital stopped functioning. Everyone who knew Meredith had paused. They paused for a long time. No one completely knew what was going on. Everyone had been left in the dark about some detail, even Derek. No one really knew if she was alive or dead. No one knew.

**Hide and seek**

_He knew he had said things over the past few weeks that he should have. He'd thought a few horrible things. He had thought he hated Meredith. He didn't want her to be happy with Derek. He almost wanted her to suffer._

**Speak no feeling**

_He had wanted her to feel everything he had been feeling. He wanted her be hurt, alone, confused, humiliated. He wanted everyone in the hospital to doubt her sanity. He wanted their colleagues to doubt her talent and ability as a surgeon. He wanted her to feel like shit every time she woke up and looked in the mirror. _

**No, I don't believe you**

_He had wanted all of that. At least he thought he had. It was his anger and hurt thinking and he knew it. Still, at one point in time, he had wanted all of those things, no matter if he was thinking rationally or not. _

**You don't care a bit,**

_Now he was faced with a man who was falling apart because of the things he had wished upon Meredith. He wasn't numb. He was feeling every emotion possible. He was completely falling apart. For one of the few times in his life, Ryan realized that he had been wrong about everything. _

**You don't care a bit**

Derek lifted his head out of his hands after what seemed like hours of silent crying. "She's going to be okay, right Preston? They're going to get her out of surgery, let me see her, and then she's going to wake up. Right?"

Preston looked helplessly at a man whom he'd stayed close to over the years. They'd had their differences many times before, but they still had kept in touch. He knew if Cristina knew that, he'd be dead, but he had known about everything Derek went through. He knew about the many sleepless nights of sorrow, whether Derek would admit to them or not. He even knew about McKenzie and how she had started out as a mistake. Preston had always known what to say over the phone to his old friend as well. But right now, he had no idea. He wanted to say things, but he wasn't sure if they would be true. Preston then decided that Derek wouldn't care if they were true or not. It'd be the fact that someone was saying them. "She'll be fine, Derek," he finally said, "She loves you, she'll be fine."

Hide and seek


	2. Chapter 2: Is Love Enough?

**So this one has more flashbacks, but I don't think it is as confusing. Once again, I really hope that you guys like this! I'm sorry if the one before it was confusing. It was easier to understand on the other site when I could use colors, but I can't use them on here!  
**

**The lyrics are Wonderwall by Oasis!

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**Chapter 2: Is Love Enough?**

**Today is gonna be the day  
That they're gonna throw it back to you **

"Derek? Derek, wake up."

Derek sat up quickly and came face to face with Miranda Bailey, "Shit. I can't believe I fell asleep," he said as he stood up, "Is she alright? Meredith. Is she alright?"

**By now you should've somehow**

"She's out of surgery," Bailey said calmly, "But she hasn't woken up yet. Everyone wanted a few moments alone with her, so we let them see her before we woke you up. We knew you weren't going to leave her once you found out."

**Realized what you gotta do **

Derek didn't say anything. He just hurried out of the break room and found where Meredith's room was. As he reached the door, he stopped. He wanted to see Meredith so bad. He wanted proof that she was okay. But that was what made him hesitate. He wanted to see Meredith. There was a large chance that what behind that door wasn't Meredith. It wouldn't be his Meredith. And he might just find proof that she's not alright.

**I don't believe that anybody **

He turned and looked down the hall. He saw all of the people that mattered to Meredith in this world. They were all waiting. They all had dropped their lives for her and been there for her. They all cared so much about her. He looked back at the door and opened it, closing it behind him as he walked in.

**Feels the way I do about you now **

"_I can't pretend anymore. I'm terrified of losing you."_

**Backbeat the word was on the street **

"You guys are doctors. You know the chance of Meredith waking up right? And of a recovery? You can tell me that it's good, can't you?"

**That the fire in your heart is out **

Cristina looked at Hillary. She'd only known this woman for a little while, but she'd always been sarcastic and cynical. Right now, she was different. Cristina looked at her and then sat back in the waiting room chair, sending her gaze to the ceiling, "I'm not a neurosurgeon."

**I'm sure you've heard it all before **

"Has anyone seen Alex yet?" Izzie asked, breaking the painful silence that began after Cristina's comment.

"No, no one has seen your stupid little husband," Cristina said annoyed.

**But you never really had a doubt**

"Cristina," George scolded, surprising both of them, "Izzie just wants to see her husband. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Oh, shut up. Alex is an ass anyways," Cristina said as she brought her hands to her forehead, her eyes still focused on the ceiling.

**I don't believe that anybody feels **

No one said anything else. There was just an understanding there. These three, Izzie, George, and Cristina, along with Meredith and Alex had been together for years. They'd been together since they had started their internships. They'd been through so many things together: love and loss, basically just life. There was a silent understanding. They didn't have to say anything. They all knew what they were feeling and what was going through everyone's heads. They had always had this understanding. Their relationships had always been weird. It made them, them.

**The way I do about you now **

_Cristina looked over the railing, trying to ignore her pain. Meredith looked over at her, "You know how long it takes a surgical scar to heel. You must be in pain. You should take something."_

_Cristina moved a little, keeping her grip on the railing, "Drugs are for babies."_

_Izzie looked down at the hospital, "I hate Alex."  
_

_Meredith and Cristina looked over at her, "And the non sequitur award goes to…"  
_

"_I'm sorry, but I hate Alex," Izzie said as she continued to stare blankly ahead of her.  
_

_Meredith sighed, "I broke up with Derek," as she too stared in front of her.  
_

"_Burke wants to have a relationship," Cristina said, joining in.  
_

_Izzie stood up straighter, "Boys are stupid." She took one more look across the hospital, before pushing herself off the railing and heading down the hall. Without another word, Meredith too ran off.  
_

_Cristina continued to stare straight ahead, still trying to get comfortable, "Yep."_

**And all the roads we have to walk along are winding **

She was lying in the hospital bed, her hair lying against the pillow, framing her face. Her left hand was lying at her side while her right was draped across her stomach. Her head was tilted a little to the right, her eyes closed. She was hooked up to many machines, them all beeping rhythmically. The hospital room was small and blank. Had the scenery been different, Derek would think she was peaceful.

**And all the lights that lead us there are blinding **

Derek stepped closer, stopping at the end of her bed. It was almost like he was scared of getting too close. Like he was scared of a ghost of Meredith. Still, he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

**There are many things that I would **

He finally went to her side and sat in the chair next to her bed. He looked at her for a few moments, feeling completely helpless. Helpless was the only thing he wanted to feel. He didn't want to feel the many other emotions that were tempting him.

**Like to say to you **

He could remember staring at her like this under different circumstances. Before a few minutes passed, she would always wake up, feeling his eyes on her. Her mouth would always form into a small smile as she took in his scent and leaned into him. After time passed, Derek realized that she wasn't going to wake up like that. As soon as that realization went through his mind, he grabbed her hand, and broke down.

**I don't know how **

_Meredith opened her eyes and realized that they'd been driving for about forty-five minutes. She felt Derek's hand holding her own and she smiled. She adjusted herself in the seat; aware that Derek's eyes were on her._

**Because maybe **

Alex walked down the hall, his head cast down. Izzie looked up when she saw him coming, but her face fell when she saw his demeanor. He'd always been the cocky, confident guy. Right now, he was like a completely different person.

**You're gonna be the one who saves me? **

When he reached his friends, Izzie stood up, hesitate to walk over to him. He raised his head a little, knowing they all wanted to know where he had been. "I was paged when an ambulance came in," he said slowly, "I operated on her."

**And after all **

Izzie hurried over to him and wrapped her arms around him. His body weakened at her touch, wrapping his own arms around his wife. Before he realized it, his tears started to fall. He just cried, ignoring the fact that everyone was watching.

**You're my wonderwall **

_He looked up after hearing her laughter for the second time that day. Her smile was big and her hair caught the light beautifully. She had her friends at her side, but Derek was relieved to notice that Ryan wasn't there.  
_

_Derek hadn't seen her this happy in a long time. Even when she had been this happy, it usually didn't last very long. Something would happen, something always happened to her. Her life was hard, but right now, her life seemed simple and peaceful. Something he never felt that he had been able to give her._

**Today was gonna be the day**

Derek didn't know how long he'd been crying, but he felt like he was running out of tears. His head was lying on her small stomach, just trying to feel close to her. There wasn't anything else he felt like he could do.

**But they'll never throw it back to you **

He wanted to see her smile. He wanted to hear her laugh. But he knew, he wouldn't see either until she woke up. He wanted to take in her scent, but he couldn't even do that. She smelt like everything else did in the hospital. She had lost her wonderful aroma. The accident seemed to have taken every part of her away.

**By now you should've somehow **

He finally lifted his head off of her and sat up in the chair. He took her hand again and held it close between his own. He looked at her again, the events of the past few days playing through his mind. No matter what memory he found, they all brought him back to the accident.

**Realized what you're not to do **

He sighed quietly, trying to shake himself of that image, but he couldn't. He kept seeing that truck, fly into Meredith's side of the car. He even could hear his own voice screaming to her helplessly as it happened. It was like a demon that wouldn't leave him alone.

**I don't believe that anybody **

"I'm sorry, Meredith," Derek said quietly. He felt guilty. He should have just driven her home. If he had, then he would be the one laying there, not her. He would do anything to be the one lying there if she got to be okay.

**Feels the way I do **

There were so many things he could have just done differently. He could have not called her. If she wouldn't have been talking to him, she could have focused on driving. She could have seen the truck like he had. Then she would be okay. The truck would have just ran the red light and life would have moved on. But no matter what he wished, none of that happened.

**About you now **

_She pulled it out and turned it over to see herself wrapped in Derek's arms. It seemed like that picture was taken a million years ago, but she remembered the day perfectly. It was only a few days before everything came crashing down. They'd been so happy._

**And all the roads that lead to you were winding **

Derek looked at Meredith again. He ran his thumb over her hand, feeling her ring. "I'm keeping my promise, Meredith," he said quietly, "No matter what, I'm here. I'll always be here."

**And all the lights that light the way are blinding **

He blinked back the tears that he thought he had ran out of before looking down at the ring again. He never even got to tell her about the ring. He didn't get to tell her what he'd been doing all day while she was at the spa. Everything just happened so quickly. Everything had gotten out of hand.

**There are many things that I would like to say to you **

He looked back at Meredith and tried to strengthen himself as much as he could. He needed to be strong for her. "I'm keeping my other promises too," he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "We will get married one day, Mer. You'll be my wife." He kept saying these things, knowing that she couldn't even hear him.

**I don't know how **

"_We could love each other forever and grow old together. Everything we'd ever dreamed could happen, but now you are gone and I can't see straight enough to see into the future at all."_

**I said maybe **

Alex and Izzie soon left the group from privacy, but still not a word passed. No one had even moved. There wasn't a sign of life besides the slow rise and fall of their chests. Cristina looked around, getting restless. Almost instantly, she saw Burke heading towards them.

**You're gonna be the one who saves me? **

She stood up and walked over to him. He stopped as she reached him, but she kept walking past him. He followed her as she led them to an on-call room. They walked in and Burke shut the door behind them before looking over at Cristina.

**And after all **

Her back was to him. She was silent and Burke wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. As he took one step towards her, she turned around abruptly, looking at the ground. Slowly, she brought her eyes up to his own. Throughout all the years they'd been together, throughout all the things they'd went through, Burke had never seen her like this. She'd never been so vulnerable. And she had never before collapsed into him and cried.

**You're my wonderwall **

_He looked back down at her, letting that glazed over look slowly disappear. "Nothing changed," he said simply. "Nothing needed to change." She looked at him curiously, not following his words. A small smile began to play at his lips as he let the words out, "They just had to be reminded. Reminded of what made them fall in love."_

**I said maybe **

Bailey looked into the room, despite the fact that she felt like she was spying. She just had to make sure that nothing went wrong. She'd never forgive herself if she looked away and something happened. She couldn't deal with that.

**You're gonna be the one who saves me?**

She continued looking into Meredith's room. She could see Derek's tears as he tried to speak to her. She could only imagine what he was feeling, but she knew it wasn't fair. No one deserved to go through that.

**And after all **

Her cell phone rang, but she never took her eyes off of Meredith. "Hello?" she asked oddly after opening the phone.

"Hey Miranda. It's late, are you coming home?"

Her body relaxed as she heard her husband's voice. "I don't think I can…" she said quietly.

"That's fine. I just thought I'd check in." Despite the insignificance of his words, they soothed her and almost made everything alright.

**You're my wonderwall **

_That was one thing that they were always able to do for each other. They could make every bad thing, big or small, and make it disappear. It didn't even matter that they both knew it wouldn't last forever. All that mattered was that they were together. Right now. They were happy. And in love._

**Said maybe **

"I love you," Derek said quietly, remembering that that was the last thing he had said to her before the accident. And the last thing she had said was the she loved him too.

**You're gonna be the one that saves me **

Derek's mind suddenly shifted back to many years ago. There had been a train accident in Seattle and the hospital was flooding with patients. Along with many other surgeons, he was put on a serious case that involved a man and a woman. They had a pole going directly through them. The man was older, married, and his injuries were less extensive. He survived.

**You're gonna be the one that saves me **

The girl, she was younger. She seemed happy and she was cracking jokes, unable to feel her own pain. She was engaged and her fiancé was flying to the hospital. Her injuries, they were worse. The pole was going directly through her spine. They had to make a choice of who to pull off the pole and they chose her. They chose for her to die.

She had asked him to tell her fiancé that if love were enough, she would still be there. That she would be alive and she would be able to spend the rest of her life with him. It broke his heart.

The chaotic machines ripped Derek out of his memory as nurses and doctors flew into the room and pushed Derek out, regardless of his own standing at the hospital. He couldn't even figure out what was going on as they tried to save her. He just kept thinking that he could lose her.

What if love really isn't enough?

**You're gonna be the one that saves me

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**The main thing that I wanted to demonstrate through this chapter was how much Meredith's accident affected everyone else, because it literally did affect EVERYONE else in that hospital in different ways. I hate to leave it on a small cliff there, but I had to! **

**I hope you guys like it!**

**Please leave a review!**


	3. Chapter 3: Uncle's Little Girl

**Just kind of a side note, but remember that I had the entire first story written before I even posted it here and I have like 80 pages of this one written already. So basically, I already had this happening to Meredith before Grey's decided to go and drown her. Had I known that was going to happen, I probably wouldn't have written this, but I just wanted you guys to know that I wasn't trying to copy Grey's or cause even more problems for Meredith than she really needed!**

**I wasn't going to post this tonight, but all of the comments are making me! Besides, it's kind of short so it would kind of be mean for this to be the only thing that you guys got tomorrow! Despite it's length, it is very important!**

**And thank you for all of the comments, I really do love them!  
Shades.of.grey55- I love the long comments!!! They make me very happy!  
**

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**Chapter 3: Uncle's Little Girl**

Derek took his place next to Meredith again, silently vowing not to leave until he could take her with him. He didn't want to leave; he couldn't.

"She's okay Derek," Bailey said as she walked in, "She came back relatively quickly. You know how these things go."

Derek just nodded, never taking his eyes off of Meredith. "You can go home. There's nothing you can do."

Bailey started to say something, but stopped herself. She nodded, despite the fact Derek never saw and walked out of the room.

Derek sat in silence with Meredith, words not finding his mouth. He watched her, regardless of her stillness. He had to watch her. He felt like the second he took his eyes off of her, she'd be gone.

"Derek?" Derek looked up to the door and saw Meredith's Aunt Hilary and Uncle Rob standing in the doorway. "Would you mind if my wife sat with Meredith for a little while?"

Derek hesitated for a moment, but then remembered how much Meredith cared for her Aunt and vise versa. It was only fair to let them be together. He nodded and Hilary came into the room.

"And could I speak to you?" Rob asked, still standing in the doorway. Derek once again hesitated. "Alone," he said. Derek looked at Meredith and her Aunt, once again feeling as though they deserved some time alone.

He squeezed her hand tightly and stood up, leaning over to kiss her forehead. "Get me if anything changes," he said to Hilary who only nodded before he walked over towards Rob who closed the door behind them as they walked out.

**So much in love you're alone in this place**

Derek was led over a few chairs and then took his seat after Rob did. "I know you met my wife, but we were never formally introduced," he started, "I'm Robert Gibbons, but call me Rob."

"Derek Shepherd," Derek said taking Rob's outstretched hand, finding this a little weird.

**Like there's nobody else in the world**

"Now I know you have a lot on your mind, but I also know that the second Meredith wakes up, you aren't going to leave her side for the next ten years, so we should talk now," Rob said.

"Okay…" Derek answered, still a little unsure.

**I was enough for her not long ago**

Rob sat back in the chair a little and looked at Derek, "I don't know how much Meredith has told you about her past, but her Aunt and I, we practically raised her. I have four of my own sons, but she's my little girl," Derek nodded, seeing the amount of emotion in his eyes, "You know, I saw that ring."

**I was her number one**

"We're not engaged," Derek said quickly, "We're not ready for that."

**She told me so**

"I don't want Meredith with just anyone," Rob said, almost ignoring Derek's comment, "She's my little girl. She deserves the best. I had met this Ryan guy once before. I didn't approve of him. I didn't tell Meredith that, only because I knew she wouldn't forgive me. But, Meredith, she deserves the best."

**And she still means the world to me**

"She does," Derek said as he looked back towards her room, "She deserves better than this."

**Just so you know**

"This isn't your fault, Derek. I may not have met you until this, but I've known of you for years. She loves you a lot Derek. That's not going to change," Rob said, giving Derek a little hope for approval, "But I need to know that you aren't ever going to hurt her again."

**So be careful when you hold my girl**

Derek looked up at Rob strangely, "I never had any intention-"

"I know," Rob said cutting him off, "You never wanted to, but you did. And now I need to know that you will put her happiness before everything else. I need your word."

**Time changes everything**

Derek straightened himself out a little, "I won't," he answered, "I will never let her be hurt by anyone ever again."

**Life must go on**

"I'll take your word," Rob said before he stood up. He started back toward Meredith's room, but stopped and looked back at Derek. "Derek?" he looked up at Rob, "When you are ready to ask her, just know, you have our support."

**And I'm not gonna stand in your way**

**

* * *

I never really introduced Uncle Rob before or really went into Meredith's childhood much. I'll dig more into them both later on, but this gives you guys just a little bit of a background. Meredith may not have had a father, but her Uncle loved her like a daughter and still thinks of her that way.**

**Here's a little response to many of the comments that I've recieved:**

** Many people have mentioned babies and marriage or engagement between Meredith and Derek. I'd like you guys to consider the time line: Meredith was supposed to marry Ryan on October 18th or something like that and now it's the very beginning of November. That would be extremely fast even for Meredith and Derek. Besides, they both have a lot of things to sort out before they can have a very stable relationship. Bringing a baby into a situation like this would not only completely through Meredith over the edge, but cause serious damage to an already fragile relationship.These two are still growing up and they need to learn to grow together before any more milestones can be met!**

**And another little note: Please check out my other stories Delicate, To be with you, and So Jealous. They aren't updated as frequently as this one because it is extremely difficult to balance out school, my life, and 4 different stories, but they're all a little different and some are even better than this one in my opinion sometimes!**

**Anyways, sorry for such a long author's note and thank you soo much for reading!  
**


	4. Chapter 4: Angel Eyes

**Well to start off, there are some more flashbacks, but they should make sense. There's two at the beginning and I think that's it!**

**Once again, thank you so much for all the reviews! I'm only 14 so all of the wonderful comments are a great encouragement for me to continue writing! Thank you so much!****  
**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Angel Eyes  
**

**Don't anyone wake me,**

_Derek could feel her skin lying against him and her small breaths against his bare chest, but he couldn't believe it. His hand was absently playing with her sweet tussled hair, but his mind was elsewhere. He'd been waiting for this for a long time, but it didn't seem real to him. It was too good to be true. He didn't really think he'd done anything in his life to deserve this._

**If it's just a dream**_  
_

_He knew that he should be tired. Before he left the hospital he'd been tired and he was tired the entire time he waited for Meredith, but now, his eyes were wide open. His mind was running faster than he ever imagined and he didn't think he could shut it off. All of the moments of the past few hours kept running through his mind and it was all still surreal. The only thing that promised him that he hadn't made it up was her head gently resting on his chest with one hand lying beneath her chin, her body turned towards him. She was the only thing that kept him from thinking he was completely insane._

**'Cause she's the best thing,**_  
_

_Derek smiled. He could feel her little movements. He could easily tell she was no longer asleep, but that comforted him. That meant she had time to think about everything, to process what they'd done. She now had a full understanding of their actions, but she wasn't moving. She wasn't running away from him. For once._

**That's ever happened to me**_  
_

_Derek kept running his hands through her hair and he took her hand in his other. He didn't want to let her go. He knew he would have to eventually, even if it was only momentarily, but he didn't want to. Not yet. He had spent too much time away from her to leave easily now._

**All you fellows, you can look all you like,**

_His smile grew and he stepped closer to her, letting the rain from his jacket fall down against the plush carpet. "Just so you know, you are going to have to go a whole lot farther if you ever want to get away from me again."_

**But this girl, you see, she's leavin' here with me tonight**

_There was a small twinkle in his eye that she noticed the second that he gave her a small wink. It told her everything was going to be okay. And right then, she just fell into him._

**There's just one more thing that I have to know,**

Derek entered Meredith's room a few seconds after Rob had. Hilary had taken Derek's place in the chair next to her bed, holding Meredith's hand and speaking quiet words to her. Rob was standing behind his wife, his hands resting on her shoulders.

**If this is love why does it scare me so?**

Derek looked at Meredith and then back to the couple. He silently prayed that Meredith and him could be them one day. He was so scared that they wouldn't make it to that. He wanted to be the older couple that still held hands and kissed like they were just beginning to fall in love. He wanted to be like that for the rest of his life.

**It must be something only you can see,**

"Oh, Derek," Hilary said once she realized Derek was in the room, "You can have her back now. Thank you, though, for letting me spend some more time with her," she said as she stood up.

"No," Derek said as he walked over to the bed, "You guys can stay. Meredith would like for you both to be here." Until today, Derek had never realized the similarities between Meredith and her Aunt. They had the same eyes and seemed to have the same kindness in their heart.  
_  
_**'Cause girl I feel it when you look at me**

"She'll wake up," Derek said suddenly. For some reason, he felt the need to comfort this woman, even if he couldn't comfort himself. He felt like he owed the world to her. If it wasn't of her, he wasn't sure Meredith would have turned out the way he did. He owed this woman everything for giving him the most important thing in his life.   
_  
_**So tonight I'll ask the stars above,**

"I promise," Derek said, seeing the doubt in Hilary's eyes. He pulled up another chair and sat on the opposite side of Meredith. He looked down at her and wondered why he ever doubted her love when it was the only thing that got him through the day. He didn't understand how he could have made such a mistake and wasted so many years of his life.

**"How did I ever win your love?"**

"Okay," Hilary said quietly as she choked back her own tears. She wanted to be strong. She needed to be strong for Meredith.

**What did I do?**

"It's good that you're here too," Hilary said calmly, sensing Derek's emotions. "You may not ever know how much it means to Meredith that you are here."

**What did I say,**

Derek smiled slightly at Hilary's words. He focused his eyes back on Meredith and kept his gaze there. He watched her, until he swore his mind was playing tricks on him.

"Meredith?"

**To turn your angel eyes my way?**

* * *

**  
The song was Angel Eyes by John Haitt!**


	5. Chapter 5: I'm here with you

**Chapter 5: I'm here with you**

"Meredith?" he said again as he stood up.

"hmmmm…"

"Meri?" he said almost desperately as he leaned close to her and held her hand tightly.

"Der…" she whispered quietly as she opened her eyes, slightly. She quickly shut them and then opened them again slower, adjusting to the light, "What happened?" she asked in a quiet, raspy voice.

**No more talk of darkness,**

"Shh," Derek said calmly as he sat on the edge of her bed. He caressed her cheek with his hand, smiling at her, "Don't try to talk, yet, Mer. You went through a lot."

**Forget these wide-eyed fears.**

"Derek?" she asked again, ignoring his request, "What happened? Why are you crying?"

**I'm here, nothing can harm you - my words will warm and calm you.**

"I'm not crying," Derek said quickly as he wiped away the tears following down his face. "Now just relax. Don't worry about me, okay? You need your rest."

**Let me be your freedom,**

Meredith smiled at him until relaxation crossed her face, "Oh my god, Derek. Was there an accident? What happened?" she asked panicked, her voice still scratchy.

**Let daylight dry your tears.**

"It doesn't matter, Mer. You are okay. That's all that matters," he whispered as he rubbed her cheek with his hand. "Everything is going to be okay now."

**I'm here with you, beside you,  
to guard you and to guide you…**

Meredith looked around the dark hospital room. There was only one light on in the room and Derek was still sitting in the chair, his head was lying against her leg, his hand still wrapped in her own. He hadn't left since she had woken up.

All of her friends came and talked to her, but none of them told her anything. No one would. No one told her about what happened or how she got here or how much her body had suffered.

**Say you love me every waking moment, **

"Derek?" Meredith whispered a little as she nudged him with her hand, "Derek?"

"Hmmm…" he mumbled as he slowly opened his eyes. He looked at her and his confused look turned into one of happiness and relief. "You're awake?"

"Can't sleep," she confessed.

"Why not?" Derek asked as he sat up a little straighter.

She sighed and looked at him, feeling a little guilt. He'd been so wonderful, but she wanted to know the truth. "Derek, what happened?"

"We can deal with that later. Let's just sleep now and then get you back on your feet," Derek said as he stood up and laid down on the bed next to her. "You know, I miss sleeping next to you," he whispered into her ear as he gently wrapped his arms around her.

**Turn my head with talk of summertime**

She smiled a little; glad to feel his body near her, wrapped around her. "Derek," she said again, "That doesn't answer my question."

"Later, Mer," he whispered, "It's been a long day."

**Say you need me with you now and always**

She turned her head back towards him and looked at him, "Derek, I can't get better if I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you," Derek whispered. "I love you. I'm so glad that you can hear me saying that now. I love you and I'll always love you."

**Promise me that all you say is true**

"I know," she whispered as she snuggled close to him, falling victim to his charm.

**That's all I ask of you...

* * *

**

"Dr. Shepherd, you know all of this, but you also know that I have to tell you anyways. She's suffering from retrograde amnesia. We don't know exactly how bad it is or long it's going to last," Dr. Jacobs explained, "I understand that you two had just returned from vacation in Pennsylvania that day. Did anything especially important happen?"

"Yes, actually," Derek said, trying not to put together the puzzle pieces.

"Does she remember it?" he asked.

* * *

"Hey," Meredith said softly as Derek walked back into her room. She scooted over a little, making room for him on the small hospital bed.

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked.

"Headache," she answered.

Derek sighed a little as he looked around the room, "That's to be expected."

Meredith looked at him for a moment before speaking. "Derek? What's wrong?"

"There's nothing wrong."

"Derek, you haven't looked me in the eye since you walked in here and you've yet to tell me what happened. I can ask Dr. Jacobs and he will have to tell me. The only reason I haven't is because of you, but I'm getting a little impatient, Derek. I'm stuck in a hospital bed and the last thing I remember, I was in our bed at home."

Derek turned his head towards her, an indescribable look on his face. "The last thing you remember is being at the apartment?"

She looked at his face, searching for an isolated emotion, but she couldn't find one. "Derek?" she asked, her voice becoming a little panicked, "Derek, what did I miss? What happened?" Derek let go of Meredith and covered his head with his hands. "Derek? Why are you acting this way?"

"Meredith, just wait," he said quietly. He hadn't known how he was going to tell her about the accident, but he really had no idea how he could tell her about everything at Pennsylvania. That vacation had been perfect, more than perfect. Apparently it had been too perfect.

"I'm sorry, Derek, but you are freaking me out. Please, just tell me what happened," Meredith said as she tried to take his hand in hers.

Derek stood up out of the bed, "I can't do this," he said quietly before walking out of the room.

* * *

**The first song was Angel Eyes by Jogn Haitt and then it switched to All I ask of you from The Phantom of the Opera.**

**I hope that you guys enjoyed it!**

**Oh, and for those of you who don't really like the song lyrics, don't worry, they aren't in every single chapter. It's mainly the very beginning and other very important times that I use them!**

**Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6: After Effects

**About me switching from Hillary to Hilary, it's purely accidental. I have a friend named Hillary and one named Hilary. It is supposed to be Hilary in this story, but I never realized that I was doing it. Don't worry about being nitpicky, constructive criticism is very much welcomed!**

* * *

******Chapter 6: After Effect**

"Look who it is. You know, if I had to pick one of us to have landed in the hospital, I guess I would have had to say you. I mean, you do go home with random guys from random bars in random cities."

Meredith looked up and her face softened, "Sam?"

"Oh," he said as he walked over to her bed, "So you do remember me?"

She smiled a little, "I can't believe you came to Seattle."

"Yeah, well, I'm here," he said as he took the seat on her left side, "Sorry it took me so long. New job. Boss isn't so flexible."

"What do you mean a new job?" Meredith asked.

"Well, you know, you got me thinking-"

"You're writing again?" she asked, interrupting him. "Sam, that's great!"

"Actually, it kind of sucks. I have to wake up and actually go out and stuff. I don't get to just sit around and enjoy the pleasures of HDTV," he answered.

She laughed a little before a slightly distant look took over her. "Hey," he said nudging her a little, "What's wrong with you? I thought we got rid of dark and twisty Meredith."

She looked over at him, the smile he was expecting absent. "Is Derek out there?"

"No," he said, a little confused, "I figured that he was getting showered or bringing some food for you." He stopped for a moment, examining her expression, "Wait a second, Meredith. Where is he? What happened?"

"Ever since I've woken up, Derek's been sitting in that chair," she said, gesturing to the chair that Sam was sitting in. "He never let go of my left hand. He held on to it, even when he was sleeping. I never noticed it when he went to see my Doctor because all my friends had come in and distracted me." Sam looked down at her hands, only to notice that they were under the blankets, purposely probably. "Sam, what's today's date?"

"Meredith, you aren't making any sense," he said, becoming extremely concerned. "You were talking about your hand and Derek and now the date?"

"Sam, what is today's date?" Meredith asked persistently, avoiding his eyes.

"It's November 7th. Now tell me what's going on," Sam said.

She looked over at him, "The last day I remember was November 1st," she said it calmly and let it seep in before saying anything else. "After Derek figured out that I didn't remember everything, he freaked out. He left. That's when I noticed it."

"Meredith, what are you talking about? You are talking weird, acting weird. I'm not following," Sam said.

She pulled her hand out from under her blanket, "Sam, there's a ring on my finger. I don't know what kind of ring it is. I don't know what it means. I'm not even sure what my last name is right now. I don't remember anything and Derek is freaking out." She stopped for a second as tears weld up in her eyes, "What if I got married? Sam, what if I don't remember my own wedding?"


	7. Chapter 7: All Love Can Be

**Chapter 7: All Love Can Be**

"This the place he has my little girl living in?" Rob asked.

"I thought you were her uncle," Alex answered as he put his car in park.

Rob looked over at him, "I helped raise her. She's my little girl." The look in his eye made Alex realize just how serious he was about that. "I thought Derek was some top doctor. Shouldn't he be rich? Why does he have my little girl living in some small apartment?"

"It's better than that trailer-"

"Wait a second," Rob said, interrupting Alex, "He had her living in a trailer? I'm going to have to do a little bit more looking up on this guy."

"Dude, are we going to sit here all night or are you going to go in there?"

"Don't go anywhere," Rob said as he opened the car door and walked up to the apartment building.

* * *

"Meredith," Sam said as he wiped her tears away with his finger, "Don't cry."

"How can you not remember your wedding? That's horrible, right? That would make me a horrible wife, right?" she asked as she began to cry harder.

"Meredith," he said again, "You didn't get married. Calm down."

"How do you know that?" she asked desperately.

"Because, if Derek got married, I'd know. Trust me," he said.

"How?"

Sam sat down on the bed and looked at Meredith, "Because Derek visited his parents while you guys were in Pennsylvania. He'd tell them if he was getting married. I talked to my Aunt. She talks a lot; things go through our family quickly. Trust me, I'd know."

"Then why is Derek freaking out?" Meredith asked.

Sam sighed, "I don't know. Trust me though, I'll find out."

* * *

Rob raised his hand to knock on the door, but it swung open instead, "Derek?"

"Rob?" Derek asked confused, "What are you doing here?"

"Coming to ask you the same question," Rob said, "Where are you going?"

"To the hospital," Derek said impatiently.

"Why did you leave Meredith?"

Derek sighed, "I don't know what made me do that, but I'm going back. I need to see her."

As he began to walk away, Rob stopped him, "Derek, I had your word. Now she's in that hospital room crying. I'm not sure I can let you go back in there."

Derek looked at Rob for a few seconds before saying anything. "With all due respect, I don't think you can stop me." Derek pushed past Rob and headed towards his car before he said anything else.

* * *

Derek walked into the hospital room, glad to see that Meredith wasn't crying anymore. Still, it was evident that her mind was going through a difficult battle. He walked over to her without a word and placed the bag he was carrying on her nightstand, "Sam, could we have a moment alone?"

Sam looked at Derek and than at Meredith. She nodded a little, so he stood up and walked out of the room, a little concerned of what Derek had in that bag and what he planned to do with it.

"You left," Meredith said flatly the second the door shut behind Sam.

**I will watch you in the darkness**

"I know and I am so sorry about that," Derek said as he sat down at the edge of her bed and took her right hand in his. He looked at her face and noticed that her eyes were locked on her ring. "Mer, I'll explain everything, okay?"

**Show you love will see you through**

She looked up at him and nodded, unsure if she actually wanted to know the truth, "What's in that bag?"

Derek looked over at the black bag and then back at Meredith, "That's for later. First I need to explain what happened." She nodded again before he continued, "We were leaving the hospital at about two in the morning after checking in on the Chief. We rode in different cars, so you were in front of me." Derek paused for a second and looked around the room, the scene playing through his mind.

"I called you and we had the most pointless conversation," he said with a reminiscent smile on his face as a few tears fell, "We were at a stop light. I told you that I loved you and you told me that you loved me too before we hung up. When the light turned green, you stepped on your gas." He stopped again, as the tears flowed. Meredith's own tears started falling as she guessed what had happened. "You never saw him. I did, but I couldn't do anything. He was running a red light and he just flew right into you."

**When the bad dreams wake you crying**

"Derek, don't cry," Meredith said, feeling like she needed to comfort him, "It's over. I don't even remember it."

**I'll show you all love can do**

Derek calmed himself down and looked into her eyes, getting lost in them, "I missed you so much," he said quietly. "I didn't want you to have to remember what happened, but I wanted you to remember what happened in Pennsylvania."

**All love can do**

"Pennsylvania? What happened there?" Meredith asked, confused.

**I will watch by the night**

"A lot," Derek said as he grabbed the bag from the table. Meredith scooted over on the bed and motioned for him to lie down next to her.

**Hold you in my arms**

Derek took her in his arms as he opened the bag. "How far back do you remember?"

"Friday night," she said quietly.

"Okay," he said as he looked over at her, "Saturday morning I decided to surprise you. We got on an airplane and you had no idea where we were going until we got there. We went to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania."

**Give you dreams where no one will be**

"Harrisburg? Why in the world would we go there?"

Derek chuckled a little, "That's exactly what you said before." He adjusted himself in the small bed before continuing, "Look at this picture," he said as he handed her a picture, "Do you remember anything about it?"

**I will watch through the dark**

Meredith took it for a moment and looked at it, trying to figure out what it was. "It seems familiar," she said before shaking her head, "But I don't know what it is."

"That's okay," Derek said as he took the picture back, but held it for both of them to see.

**Till the morning comes**

"This is the small cabin we stayed in. It's at a resort called the Felicita in the Allegheny Mountains," Derek explained before picking up another picture and handing it to her, "You took this one not long after we got there. It's the view from our balcony. You said it was amazing."

**For the lights will take you**

"It is," she said quietly as she looked at the picture. "But, Derek, why did you take me to a resort?"

"Making up for lost time," he said with a hint of a smile. "There was a small story behind it. I told you about it the first time we were on the balcony. I had my arms around you and we were looking out over the view. I told you in the car that I had grown up in a town called Paxtonia near Harrisburg. My parents would always come to the Felicita for their anniversary. There was one year when I was about nine that everyone thought they were getting a divorce. Everything was falling apart for our family, but they still came here. We all figured it was more for show than anything, but when they came back, it was different."

"Different?" Meredith asked.

"They were happy. They came back and everything had gone back to normal."

"What changed?"

"Nothing changed," Derek said. "Nothing needed to. They just need to be reminded of what made them fall in love."

**Through the night to see**

Meredith smiled at him, "I wish I could remember all of this," she said quietly.

"I'll remember for both of us," Derek said before bent down to kiss her, realizing that it was the first time since she woke up that they kissed.

**All love, showing us all love can be**

After they broke apart, Meredith looked down at her ring, "Derek, that doesn't explain this ring."

"I'm getting there," Derek said. "You know, you asked the same questions when I was telling you about my parents before."

"Well I am the same person, Derek."

"I know."

She smiled at him, "Okay, now on with the ring."

**I will guard you with my bright wings**

"Okay," Derek said as he pulled out another picture, "This is the restaurant at the Felicita. After a day at the spa, I had you meet me there."

"I spent a day at the spa?"

"Yes," Derek answered.

**Stay till your heart learns to see**

"Okay, now give me the ring for a second," Derek said. She hesitated for a moment before taking it off her finger and handing it to him. Derek took the ring and got of the bed, kneeling a little at her bedside. "Meredith, I know this isn't as romantic or perfect as it could be, but this is life. A few months ago and a few days ago, I thought I had really lost you forever. I thought my chance to spend my life with you had come and gone. When everything happened eight years ago, I didn't know what I was doing. Had I known, everything would have happened differently and we would have ended up together."

He paused for a moment, taking her hand in his again as a few tears rolled down her face, "Mer, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, every second of it. I don't want to ever lose you again. I'm not proposing, solely because I don't think we're ready for that yet. What I am going to do is promise to be with your forever. I'll never leave your side, no matter what happens between us or to us. I'll always be here. I'll be forever yours as long as you'll be forever mine. And I promise one day, that you will walk down that aisle, and we will be pronounced man and wife. All I ask is that you promise the same things to me. I love you and as my last promise, I promise that I will love you and only you for the rest of our lives."

He lifted her hand before starting again, "Meredith, I want you to wear things ring as a symbol of our promises and our love. I want everyone in the world to know what we have and that it will last forever."

"Derek…" Meredith started, finding herself speechless. Derek smiled at her and a smile found its place on her face. "I love you," she finally said.

"I'll take that as a yes?" Derek asked, his smile broadening.

She shook her head enthusiastically as he slipped the ring back on her finger. She pulled him back up and kissed him, the whole thing seeming surreal to her once again.

**All love can be**


	8. Chapter 8: If This Can Last Forever

**Chapter 8: If This Will Last Forever**

Meredith opened her eyes and was a little surprised to see a woman standing in her room. The woman was in scrubs, busy doing something. Meredith sat up and adjusted herself a little in her bed, "Excuse me, are you one of the nurses?"

The woman turned around quickly and smiled warmly at Meredith, "Yes, actually."

"Why haven't I seen you around here before? I've worked here for more than eight years," Meredith said suspiciously.

"New here," she answered, "Not new as a nurse, just new here."

"Oh," Meredith said simply, "Do you have any idea where Dr. Shepherd went?"

"Derek?"

"Yes," Meredith answered, surprised that they were on a first name basis.

She walked over towards Meredith before answering, "My name is Nina," she said offering her hand.

"Meredith Grey," Meredith answered hesitating at first before shaking Nina's hand.

"I know who you are," she answered, "I've known about you for a long time." Meredith opened her mouth to say something, but Nina continued on, "That's a gorgeous ring you have. I'm guessing Derek gave it to you."

"Yes," Meredith replied, "He did."

"That's an old ring," Nina continued, "Must have been in the family."

"Wait, exactly who are you?" Meredith asked as her hospital room door opened.

"Nina?"

"Derek, what is going on?" Meredith asked, completely confused as Derek walked over to her bed.

"Yeah, Nina, what's going on? And why are you here?" Derek asked, taking Meredith's hand in his own.

"She's the nurse," Meredith said, "But how do you two know each other?"

"Nurse?" Derek asked, halfway amused, "Lying to my girlfriend to get information while she's in the hospital. That seems like more of a Jackie-move, don't you think?"

"Jackie?" Meredith asked, looking at them both, "What the heck is going on?!"

"It's from Jackie. She can't be here to torture her little brother, so she sent me," Nina said.

"Just you?" Derek asked suspiciously.

"Yeah, sure," Nina said sarcastically, "Cause the Shepherd woman always travel alone."

"Hello!" a voice sang as the door opened again.

Derek looked over at the door and his face fell, "You have got to be kidding me." He turned to Meredith and bent down to kiss her on the forehead, "I'm so sorry baby. I'll get rid of them as soon as I can."

"Who are they?" Meredith hissed in a whispered tone.

"Family!" Nina said. "So yeah, Derek's right. I lied. I'm not a nurse. I'm a doctor and I'm Derek's younger sister."

"And I'm Heather," one of the women at the door announced, "This is Ashleigh," she said gesturing to the youngest looking women. "We heard all about what happened and couldn't not visit knowing a future sister-in-law was in the hospital!"

"This is a little much," Derek said as he tried to shoo them out of the room, "Meredith is in recovery. At least let her get out of the hospital before you all try to destroy her."

"We aren't going to destroy her," Heather said pretending to be offended.

"I was in here all alone with her and I didn't do anything to her," Nina said innocently.

Derek pulled Nina away from Meredith and over to the door where his other sisters were, "Just, go and call Mom or Jackie or something. Make sure they know you guys got here safely. Just give me a minute with Meredith."

"Okay, big brother," Heather said with a small laugh before leading the women out of the door. Derek quickly shut it behind him and turned towards a bewildered Meredith with an apologetic look covering his face.

"I am so sorry, Meredith," Derek said the second the door shut, "I had no idea that they were coming."

"Did you tell them I was here or something?" Meredith asked.

"No," Derek answered as he sat down, "I've only been home once since the accident. When would I have time to bring all my sisters here?"

"I just… I just don't do well with families," Meredith said, sounding a little scared.

Derek sat next to her, chuckling to himself, "They'll love you."

"You have to say that."

"No I don't," Derek said, trying to convince her that everything would be fine.

Meredith looked at he skeptically, "Yes you do. If you told me that they'd hate me, then there would be no way I'd let them back in this room or ever go near them. You have to tell me that they'd like me. Otherwise, you'd just be harming yourself."

"Meredith," Derek said quickly, "You are rambling."

"I'm sorry," she confessed as she leaned into Derek's warm body, "I just, I don't do well with families and I don't like being in a hospital. Besides the fact that I can't remember the last time we had sex. And that's not just because it's been like a week, it's because I literally can't remember it! Do you have any idea how unfair that is? Really, it sucks!"

She crossed her arms in frustration and Derek couldn't do anything but laugh at her, "You are very entertaining when you're upset."

"Shut up," she said trying to be mad, but her smile betrayed her.

Derek took her chin in his hand and caressed her cheek slightly, looking her in her eyes, "They will like you. And if for some strange reason they don't, then that's there loss. It won't change anything. I promise. I love you too much, okay?"

"Okay," she answered, trying to believe him.

"Good," he said before kissing her. When she pulled back, he looked at her strangely, "What?"

"Derek, we have an audience," she answered, her eyes looking at the wall behind him.

Derek turned around and saw his sisters quickly turn away. He laughed a little before turning back and kissing Meredith again, "Let's get this over with," he said before heading over to the door.

"If you were trying to keep me convinced that they would like me, you could at least sound a little convinced yourself," she joked as he opened the door.

"Derek, there is a code about how friendly you are with your patients," Nina said with a small wink as she walked in.

"Yeah, well, we don't follow rules very well around here," Derek added.

"Good," Nina answered, "Now break the rule of standing by your woman and go call Mom."

Derek looked at her strangely, "Mom? I'm not leaving Meredith with you guys so that I can call Mom."

"Just do it," she said presistantly.

Derek looked at Meredith apologetically, "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

She looked at him, a slight anger in her eyes for leaving her alone with these women, but she didn't say a word. He smiled at her before leaving, hoping that she wouldn't kill him for this later.

**I worry, I weigh three times my body**

Meredith took a good look at these women, trying to commit their faces to memory. After all, the way it seemed, she'd be seeing them for the rest of her life. She might as well at least try to get to know them. She looked at Nina first, after all, she had met her first.

She had long dark brown hair, which went straight down her back. Her eyes were dark and much unlike Derek's. She had make-up on, but it was obvious that it only accented her natural beauty. She seemed to be the oldest, but she couldn't be too much older than Meredith if she was.

"So, Meredith," Nina said as she pulled up a chair. The two other girls pulled up chairs as well and Meredith sat up a little straighter, suddenly becoming very aware of herself. "How long do you plan on being cooped up in here?"

"Hopefully not too much longer," Meredith said as she began to absently fiddle with her ring. She wasn't sure what to call it. It wasn't a wedding ring or a engagement ring. She supposed it'd be her promise ring.

"That's good because we all want to take you out for a day. You know, so you can get a real idea of what the Shepherd women are like when they're let loose," she joked.

"But we can wait until you're feeling one hundred percent," Heather threw in.

Meredith examined her next. She had shorter hair and it seemed to have a bit of red highlights. Meredith just wasn't sure if they were natural or not. She too had dark eyes and was beautiful all on her own.

"Thanks," Meredith said awkwardly, "I'm feeling much better. They're just a little concerned about my amnesia."

**I worry, I throw my fear around**

"Amnesia?" Heather asked, "We weren't aware of that."

"It's only like a week that I'm missing," Meredith said quickly, hoping that they wouldn't think she didn't know who she was or something, "The week right before the accident. Derek's filled me in on everything, but I still wish I could remember."

The youngest one, Ashleigh, offered a sweet smile, "You'll remember."

For some reason, Meredith felt comforted by her words. She wasn't sure if it was because of the sincerity in her voice or the kindness of her smile.

**But this morning, there's a calm I can't explain**

"See," Heather said, trying to change the subject, "Derek was overreacting. You're still alive. We haven't done anything to harm you."

"Yet," Nina added with a smirk.

"He's just a little overprotective," Meredith explained, "It's sweet, though. I don't know what I'd do without him."

**The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain**

"You really like him don't you?" Ashleigh asked.

"Yes," Meredith answered, her insecurities fading away as a smile fell on her face, "I love him."

"Can I ask you a question?" Nina asked, looking as though the situation had turned serious.

"Sure," Meredith said, a little unsure.

"Why?"

**By the time I recognize this moment**

They all started laughing at the seriousness in Nina's voice when she'd ask the question. As they settled down, Meredith looked down at her ring before looking back up at Derek's sisters. "He's just, amazing. You know?"

**This moment will be gone**

"Yeah, I guess," Nina joked. "It's great though, we're glad that he's happy."

"He's spent a lot of time unhappy," Ashleigh added, "But from what we know, so have you."

"That's not important," Meredith said. For some reason, she'd taken a liking to this optimistic, happy thing. Apparently Izzie had the right idea all along.

**But I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on**

"Just so you know," Nina piped in, "If he does anything else, we'll come after him. No, actually, we'll send Jackie after him. She'll kill him or something."

"Jackie?" Meredith asked, remembering that name being mentioned earlier.

"She older than all of us, including Derek," Heather explained, "And she doesn't like it when any of us step out of line. She's like another mother."

"She couldn't come, but she wanted to," Ashleigh added. Meredith was beginning to realize that Ashleigh was quieter than the rest, especially Nina, but she liked her. She seemed genuine.

**Well all I got's**

"Nice ring," Nina commented.

"Oh, well, it's not what you think," Meredith explained, "We're not engaged or anything."

"We know," Nina said, "He came to see us in Pennsylvania."

Meredith looked at her strangely, "What?"

"While you were at the spa," Heather explained, making Meredith remember Derek telling her about spending a day at the spa, "He came down to see us all. Well, mainly our Mom, but we were with her for the day."

**And I will wait to find**

"Why did he need to see his Mom?" Meredith asked, a little confused.

"The ring," Heather explained.

"Don't think I'm stupid or anything, but I'm not following this at all," Meredith said, shaking her head.

"That ring was our grandmother's," Ashleigh said, "Derek was given it before she died when he was eighteen. She told him to give it to the love of his life."

**If this will last forever**

Meredith looked down at the ring, still missing a piece of the puzzle. "What about McKenzie? Or Addison?"

"When he married McKenzie, he was still in love with you. You already knew that. We knew it. He thinks he's sneaky, but it was painfully obvious," Nina said.

"Well, what about Addison? I mean, he didn't even know me," Meredith continued.

**And I will wait to find**

"We asked him about it after their wedding," Heather explained, "But he just said that Addison had her own dream and that dream included a specific ring."

"Superficial and materialist bitch," Nina mumbled, surprising Meredith a little.

Heather just rolled her eyes, "Looks like Jackie isn't the only protective sister that Derek has."

**If this will last forever**

Meredith looked back down at the ring. It helped new meaning this time. She knew Derek loved her, but she had had doubts about the whole many wives thing. But this was different. It just gave it a whole new meaning.

**And I will pay no mind**

"He asked our Mom," Heather continued, "He didn't really have to since it was his, but he did anyways. He went on and on about you for about the entire day," Heather laughed a little and Meredith's smile grew, "We were all just waiting for him to bring it up and just ask about it, but he waited until right before he had to leave. He was so nervous."

**When it won't and it won't because it can't**

"It was cute," Ashleigh said with a giggle, "He was so happy when she gave it to him. Mom had kept it for safe keeping, of course."

**It just can't**

"I feel like I'm getting married or something," Meredith said, "It's like this is really that big."

**It's not supposed to**

"Meredith?" Ashleigh said, tearing Meredith's eyes away from the ring.

"Yeah?"

"It is that big."

**Was there a second of time that I looked around?**

"It just, it's surreal, you know?" Meredith explained, beginning to ramble, "We've just spent so much time hurting ourselves. I wanted this, but after awhile, I stopped expecting for it to ever happen."

**Did I sail through or drop my anchor down?**

"You two are so cute," Heather said with a smile.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked.

**Was anything enough to kiss the ground?**

"He said the same thing after she gave him the ring," Ashleigh explained with a smile.

"Are you two done torturing my Meredith?" Derek asked as he came in. The girls looked back at him and then back towards Meredith, each throwing her a knowing glance.

**And say I'm here now and she's here now**

"You guys got your turn," Derek said, leaving the door open, "Now, get out."

Nina laughed, "You're kidding right?"

"Nope," Derek said, "Not kidding. Get out."

They looked at Meredith. "I'm in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm. What do you expect me to do about him?"

They all laughed a little before giving Meredith a hug each, "We have to do that girls night out," Heather said before letting Meredith go.

"Yeah, definitely. Alcohol and strippers. Sounds fun, huh?" Nina joked, giving Meredith a hug as well.

**So much wasted in the afternoon**

"You guys are not going to take Meredith to strippers. Not happening," Derek said, shaking his head.

"Don't worry, Derek," Nina said, "We understand that you'd prefer to strip privately."

**So much sacred in the month of June**

"Well, that's not a conversation I ever wanted to have with my little sister," Derek said as he walked over to Meredith.

Ashleigh leaned over to give Meredith a hug too, "It was really nice to meet you. I hope we really do get close."

**How bout you**

"Yeah, so do I," Meredith said, honestly meaning it.

**And I will wait to find**

Derek's sisters left and he took his spot next to Meredith. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, taking in her scent. "I missed you," he whispered into her.

"You weren't gone that long," Meredith said as she relished in Derek's warmth.

"Yeah, but I still missed you," Derek said, eliciting a giggle from Meredith.

**If this will last forever**

"So, do you think they like me?" Meredith asked, vulnerability soaking her voice.

"Nope," Derek said quickly, "They hate you."

**And I will wait to find**

"Hey, no hitting," Derek said after getting hit in the stomach by Meredith.

"Seriously, what do you think?"

**That it won't and it won't**

"That they're mad that isn't an engagement ring on your finger," Derek answered, just as happy as she was.

**Because it won't**

"Yeah, my ring," Meredith said looking at it as she remember what they'd told her. "I love my ring."

**And I will waste no time**

"I'm glad," Derek said as he took her hand in his, "They told you didn't they?"

"Told me what?" Meredith asked innocently.

"Yep, they told you," Derek said.

**Worried 'bout no rainy weather**

"You could have told me," Meredith said.

"I was going to," Derek explained, "I just wanted you to remember some special moments between us that weren't in a hospital room."

"Derek? There's something I didn't get to tell you this morning," Meredith said.

"What?"

"I remember."

**And I will waste no time**

"You remember? You remember what?" Derek asked quietly. They both knew exactly what she was talking about, but they both knew why he was asking her.

"I remember the beautiful view. I've always known what mountains looked like, but they just seemed different," as she spoke, she picked at her sheet aimlessly, recreating the image in her mind over and over again. She'd never before appreciated her memory so much. "You were so nervous," she added with a little giggle, "And then you said it all the first time," her voice softened a little, "And I know you've complimented me before and been sweet, but this was different." A single tear of mixed emotions ran down her cheek, but she didn't notice it. "You just had this sincere deep love in your eyes. I've never seen that before."

She sat in silence, hearing only the various beep of a machine. That was when she noticed that he'd been silent as well. When she finally decided to look back, he spoke up, "I got you something, Mer."

"What?" she asked, her head swinging back to see him before she even realized it.

He smiled at her a dug something out of his pocket, "Ready?" she nodded at him, both excited and skeptical. His smile grew as he handed her a familiar brown bag.

"Okay, you so just ruined that little romantic moment we had going," she said flatly as she looked at the bag of M&M's.

"What?" he asked innocently, "You don't want them? Fine," Derek said as he went to put them back in his pocket.

"Hey!" she exclaimed before she grabbed the bag out of his hand.

He chuckled at her response, "Looks like my corny gifts aren't so bad after all."

She laughed before dropping a few in her mouth and leaning her back into Derek's body. He reached over for some chocolates, but she pulled them away from him.

She finished off the candy without a word being passed between them. She smiled a little, feeling Derek's hand running through her hair and down her back. She missed these things: the simplicity of it all. It was something they had never achieved. They have always had all of these dramatic events happening around them and to them. They never had time to just be them.

"Derek?" she whispered.

He stirred a little before answering, "Hmm?"

She swallowed hard and focused on the wall, "I don't want to lose you."

"Meredith, what are you talking about?" Derek asked, stretching his neck to look at her, "I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay," she said quietly as she nodded, trying to get through everything that was going through her mind. "How much longer am I going to be in here?"

"Not much longer. You should know that, you're a Doctor," Derek answered.

"Okay," she mimicked. "Derek?"

"Hmm?" he asked, wondering what was going on with her.

"I want to get married."

**Remaining in our lives together**


	9. Chapter 9: Plans

**Chapter 9:Plans**

"You told him what?"

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Cristina, it's not that big of a deal."

"Not that big of a deal?" Izzie interjected, "It's a huge thing! You're getting married! As in, in sickness and in health forever married!"

"Guys, seriously, shut up."

"See, this is what happens when Alex performs brain surgery," Cristina responded, "Next thing we know you'll be quitting your job to raise your seven children."

Meredith stopped packing and looked at Cristina doubtfully, "I'm not quitting my job. And I don't know when Derek and I are getting married."

"That ring really is an engagement ring isn't it!" Izzie accused.

Meredith looked down at her ring, "No, it isn't. It could be, but it isn't," Meredith explained.

"You so want it to be," Cristina teased.

"What's wrong with wanting to marry the man I love?" Meredith asked, "I was supportive of both of your marriages. You could at least be supportive of the idea of mine."

"We are supportive," Izzie answered, "I'm just hormonal and Cristina, she's Cristina."

"She has a point," Cristina agreed.

Meredith closed her small suitcase that Derek had brought her and looked at her friends, "Okay, I am seriously ready to get home and out of this hospital."

* * *

Meredith's friends dropped her off at the apartment she'd made her new home. Derek had left the hospital a few hours before her, claiming that he needed to send his sisters home and clean up his mess in the apartment. She'd been reluctant to see him go, but she didn't mind being able to spend some time with her friends. 

She walked up to the apartment and put her key in the door. She unlocked it and walked into the dark living room, taking in the familiarity and savoring it. She dropped her bags off at the couch and headed to the bedroom, hoping Derek would be inside.

When she opened the door, she was slightly upset to see its emptiness. She figured Derek was still with his sisters and that he'd be home soon. She pulled off her jacket and threw herself down on the bed.

She wasn't really happy to remember the depressive days she'd spent in this bed, but she was extremely happy to be back in it. She'd missed their little home and everything about it. Especially the bed. You tend to miss a good mattress and sheets with ridiculously high thread counts after being in a hospital for over two weeks.

She threw her arm over to the nightstand to grab the remote, knocking something over in the process. She looked over at the floor and found another brown bag. She picked it up and saw the small sheet of paper taped to the top of it.

"_Thought you might enjoy another one of my corny gifts. And no, I'm not trying to make you fat. I'll be home as soon as I can. I miss you already. Love, Derek."_

She giggled at the beginning, a smile covering reaching her eyes at the end. She sat back on the bed and opened her favorite candy as she turned on the television.

Lying on her bed, watching the evening news, and waiting for the one she loved the most to come home and join her was something she'd never thought she would do. It seemed like something only normal people did and Meredith found out a long time ago that she was far from normal. But in this moment, she felt like her life was heading from awfully dramatic to normal. And she couldn't of been happier to be spending her normal life with Derek.

* * *

Derek walked into his apartment and dropped his coat next to Meredith's before following the soft murmurs of the television into their bedroom. He pushed open the door and found Meredith's head lying against his pillow, her eyes shut. 

He smiled as he sat down next to her, kissing her gently on the forehead. She stirred a little before she opened her eyes, seeing him looking down on her with his head tilted a little. She smiled and pulled his hand into her own.

"Hey Mer," he said quietly before kissing her on the lips, "Hungry?" She nodded a little as she slowly sat up; surprised that she'd even fallen asleep. "Wanna go out?"

"Where?" she asked as she ran her hand through her hair to check for any knots.

He continued smiling at her as he spoke, "Just that little place down the docks that we used to go to."

She looked at him suspiciously for a moment, knowing he had some motive besides food, but she decided not to press it. "Sure, just let me change." Derek nodded as she pulled herself from the bed. He got up as well and went into the bathroom. Within twenty minutes, they both were ready to go.

"You look beautiful, Mer," Derek said as they walked to their car.

Meredith rolled her eyes as he opened the door for her, "Yeah, you're just saying that because you haven't had sex in two weeks."

"You may be on to something there," he joked as he shut the door and walked to his side of the car. He got in and looked over at her, "But either way, you look amazing tonight."

She blushed at his comment, but didn't respond. He led them to the main road and comfortably placed his right hand on her thigh. She still couldn't get the notion out of her mind that Derek had something on his mind: something that he wasn't telling her.


	10. Chapter 10: Crab Cakes

**I stopped getting e-mails too, but they started again today. Strange, huh? The site must have been messing up or something! Hopefully they'll keep working this time! **

* * *

** Chapter 10: Crab cakes**

Derek pulled his car into a parking place overlooking the water. He pulled his keys out and turned to see Meredith's smile and glistening eyes. The sight alone almost made his heart melt. She noticed his gaze and quickly looked over at him, her smile growing. "What are you doing?"

"Looking," he said quietly.

She giggled a little at his gentle response, "At what?"

"You," he answered before leaning over to kiss her tenderly on the lips. He had missed her so much, but he pulled back knowing they were in public.

Derek got out of the car and hurried over to Meredith's side to catch her hand as she closed the door behind her. They smiled lovingly at each other before heading across the street to a small restaurant.

Derek pulled the door open for her, leading her into a relaxing atmosphere. The walls had deep wood paneling on them and the entire restaurant was decorated perfectly for fishermen. Derek led her towards a booth that was marked by an old fishing net filled with vibrant seashells.

Meredith took her own seat and Derek sat across from her. He instinctively took her hands in his across the table. Her eyes danced around the restaurant to the front and then the bar, before heading back to meet Derek's gaze. "I forgot about this place. I miss coming here."

"You'd think you would have gotten sick of it," he said with a small laugh, "We use to come here almost every Saturday night and you would order the same exact thing every time."

"I did not," she said with a false defensive voice.

Derek smiled at her as a waitress walked over to their table and placed down two menus. "Hi, I'm Becca. Can I get anything for you to drink?"

"A Bud Light," Derek answered before Meredith ordered a soda. The waitress quickly brought them their drinks from the bar and gave them some time to decide what to eat.

Meredith pulled her hands away from Derek as she opened the menu. Derek followed, keeping one eye on her beautiful features.

Meredith could feel his warm eyes on her. She slowly sneaked her eyes over the menu and he darted his down towards his own. She rolled her eyes before returning to the entrée section.

Derek cleared his throat and shifted a little in his seat before he returned his eyes to Meredith. He watched as a small smile slowly grew along her face as she tried to keep her eyes on the menu.

She finally gave up and dropped her menu on the table, "Okay, what are you doing?" she asked with an amused smile lighting up her face.

"I'm not doing anything," Derek answered innocently before closing his own menu and placing it off to the side.

Meredith's eyes narrowed, "You're planning something."

"I'm eating dinner."

"You have no food," she pointed out.

Derek laughed, "You're a smart ass."

"You're suspicious."

"Then it's fair," Derek teased as the waitress came back over to the table.

She smiled at them, "Ready to order?"

"I'll have the crab cakes," Meredith said before handing Becca her menu.

Derek chuckled at Meredith's request, receiving a strange look from her. He ignored it and turned to their waitress, "I guess I'll have the crab cakes as well." She jotted down the order before taking Derek's menu and leaving them.

"What was that?" Meredith asked as soon as they were alone.

Derek took her hands in his again, "What are you talking about?"

"That chuckle, or laugh, whatever."

Derek was easily amused by her frustration and confusion, "Meredith Grey is a woman who never changes."

"What are you talking about?"

"The crab cakes," he teased, "The same thing you always ordered."

* * *

They enjoyed their dinner immensely, but Meredith could tell something was going on. Something was different about those sparkling eyes that Derek kept locked on her all night. Not to mention the fact that she could tell there was something he was keeping from her. 

"You look tired," Derek observed, breaking her away from her thoughts.

She pulled her head up from the hand it'd been resting on and gave him a small smile, "I am."

"You did just get out of the hospital," Derek pointed out as he placed some money on top of the bill for the waitress to pick up. "We should go home and get you in bed."

"Just finished dinner and you're already talking about bed," she teased as he reached across the table to grab her hand, running his fingers over hers. "You aren't very subtle are you?"

"I'm just a man that knows what I want," he joked before standing up, "Come on, let's go home."

Meredith stood up and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him. She wrapped her arm around his back as he silently led her out to the car. He opened the car do for her and she stepped in before he closed it and then got in on the driver's side.

Derek started the car and pulled out onto the main road. As he passed the hospital, he looked over at Meredith. Her head was leaning against the cold glass window and her eyes were shut. Derek smiled at her as he placed his hand on hers.

He stopped at a red light and looked down at their hands. The ring on her finger was sparkling up at him. He ran his fingers over it and looked back up at where they were headed. Something inside of him shifted. He quickly changed lanes to turn in the opposite direction. He looked back up at Meredith and made sure she was still asleep. He wanted this all to be a surprise.


	11. Chapter 11: All I Want

**Chapter 11: All I Want**

As Derek continued down the dark, deserted road, he kept a watchful eye on Meredith's closed eyes. He didn't want her to wake up yet. He kept his hand on her thigh, feeling the need to never let her go again.

He kept going over everything silently in his head. He was trying to plan everything out, make it all perfect. Despite it all, he knew that his mind was going to turn in to slush the second she looked at him with those eyes of hers. He can't think clearly when she's looking at him. He can't concentrate and he sometimes seriously thinks she makes him lose his sanity. But all of that was part of the reason he loved her so much.

He finally saw a small gravel road develop on the left and took it. He glanced over at Meredith again before heading a little further down the road. He could feel himself starting to get nervous as he pulled off the narrow road a little and parked the car.

She was so peaceful when she was asleep that he almost didn't want to wake her. He watched her for a long time before he ever realized the time going by. "Mer," he said quietly once he built up the nerve as he gently rubbed her thigh.

She silently shifted until she grabbed onto his hand and her head slowly lifted to look at him. She smiled until she looked out the windows and realized that they weren't at the apartment, "Derek? Where are we?" she asked in a soft, yet raspy voice as she squinted her eyes to see into the darkness.

"I have some things I need to do," Derek answered, "And say."

She studied him for a moment, realizing that this was what he'd been acting so strangely about all night. "In the middle of a cleared forest?" she asked skeptically.

Derek only smiled at her before getting out of the car and opening her door as well. She instantly wrapped her arms around herself in the chilly November wind. He took his jacket off and wrapped it around her slender body before placing his arm around her shoulders again and leading her out into the field.

"Okay, on the list of the strangest things I've ever done, walking around aimlessly in a forest in the dark is definitely number one," she said as she looked up at his boyish grin.

_Nothings so loud_

Derek laughed, but didn't respond. He kept walking until the car was barely visible in the darkness. When they reached the middle of the clearing he stopped and turned to look at her. She looked up at him trying to read him, but she couldn't.

_As hearing when we lie_

He took her hands in his and smiled at her. "Meredith, I have a lot to tell you," he started. Her expression became slightly worried before he continued. "I'm going to start with the bad news first." He paused as she nodded, encouraging him to continue, "They declared the Chief to be PVS today. Persistent Vegetative State." They both knew she knew what PVS meant, but for some reason, he had to say it. He'd known it all night, but telling her out loud made it seem so much more realistic. "I did take my sisters to the airport today, but that wasn't all I was doing. I had a meeting with the board today. They want me to be Chief."

_The truth is not kind_

She knew it was going to happen. She'd known for a long time, but with everything that had happened, she'd managed to forget. Her eyes looked down at the grass and he could sense her thoughts and emotions. He let one of her hands go and gently traced her cheekbone with his finger, ending at her jaw. "Nothing is going to change, Meredith. No job is going to keep me away from you. Not even the Chief. You are more important. I need you to believe me."

_And you've said neither am I_

Her eyes were averted from his and he knew it was because she doubted him. He didn't want her, but he couldn't pressure her either. He just waited. The time seemed to pass by so excruciatingly slow, but she finally did look up at him. He waited until she finally said something, "I trust you."

_But the air outside so soft is saying everything_

He naturally bent down and kissed her, but she pulled away before he could deepen it. "Okay, now, why are we standing here kissing?" she asked in a serious voice.

_Everything_

He smiled at her, but he didn't answer her question. Instead he took a step closer to her and made their bodies touch in every way possible. His hand wrapped gently around her neck and pulled her lips to his own and they both lost all reasonable thought.

_All I want is to feel this way_

Meredith wrapped her arms around Derek as they both deepened the kiss and felt their emotions heighten. She was still lost as to what was going on, but in this moment, she didn't care. She had Derek and that was all that mattered.

_To be this close, to feel the same_

"You're going to be a great Chief," she mumbled as Derek pulled his lips away, but kept their bodies close.

"I love you Meredith," he said quietly before he pulled away enough to look at her. Her expression seemed serious and distressed. "What?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know how I possibly could have done this without you," she whispered, holding back threatening tears.

"Do what?" Derek asked as he gently stroked her cheek.

_All I want is to feel this way_

"Lived," she answered slowly. "I wouldn't have made it through that without you. At the accident, I was so scared. I could hear all of these strange voices and the sirens and I was in so much pain. I didn't want to give up, but I felt like I had to. But then I heard you and I could feel you. And I knew that it was okay for me to fall asleep because you were there and you'd keep me alive and you wouldn't let me really let go. I swear I could hear your voice when I was unconscious and it kept me going. I wouldn't have lived if it wasn't for you Derek. Medicine can only do so much."

_The evening speaks, I feel it say..._

Derek kissed her again, erasing any feelings of doubt or insecurity. She felt completely safe in his arms and she never wanted to leave. She relished in his kiss and the taste of his lips until he finally pulled away again.

_Nothings so cold_

He took her hand and started walking fast, pulling her along with him. "What are you doing, Derek?" she whispered as if someone would actually be disturbed in the middle of nowhere.

_As closing the heart when all we need_

"We are walking," he said bluntly as she caught up with him. He slowed down and pulled her in front of him, wrapping his arms around her as he led her to a line of trees. "You are a snoop," he whispered into her ear.

_As to free the soul_

She turned her head around to him with a skeptical look on her face, "What are you talking about? I'm in the middle of a forest, which is crazy by the way. How can I be a snoop?"

_But we wouldn't be that brave I know_

"A few weeks ago, you went into my office," he continued to whisper into her ear as if it was private information. "You found the key to my bottom drawer and you went through it." His voice wasn't accusing. It was light, as if he was telling an intriguing story. "You found that old picture of us that I've been hanging onto for eight years and all my other Meredith stuff."

She looked back at him again as they continued to slowly make their way to the line of trees, "Your Meredith stuff?"

_And the air outside so soft, confessing everything_

Derek just nodded before making her continue to walk again. "You found the picture of the house," he said quietly. "When I came here after I divorced McKenzie, I was slightly impulsive."

She stopped and turned around, her eyes meeting his. He had a large smile on his face, but hers showed nothing besides disbelief, "You bought a house?"

_Everything_

He nodded before gesturing just beyond the trees. Meredith turned around and looked, just then noticing that it was just a thin line of trees and that there was a field on the other side. She looked at him again, amazement filling her eyes. Before he could say anything, she took off running.

All I want is to feel this way

He was extremely surprised, but once his body caught up with his mind, he chased after her. She ran directly through the trees and then stopped directly in front of them, causing Derek to almost crash into her. He looked at her blank expression and began to tense up a little, "Meredith?"

_To be this close, to feel the same_

At first she didn't say anything. Then she slowly took his hand in hers. "You bought us a house," she repeated slowly in a monotone voice. A smile creped on to her face before she turned to him and practically jumped into his arms.

_All I want is to feel this way_

Derek stumbled back a little in surprise before catching his balance and holding Meredith tightly. "I can't believe you bought us a house. You actually bought us a house," she continued mumbling in disbelief. He chuckled at her reaction before he slowly placed her down on the ground, keeping her body close to his.

_The evening speaks, I feel it say…_

Meredith leaned her head against Derek's chest as she looked at the house before her. She couldn't get over how beautiful it was and the fact that she was going to live there. There was a porch on the front, while the rest of the exterior was decorated with a mix of light brick and stone. From just one look at it, she could tell it was huge. It amazed her that Derek did this for her, for them.

_And it wont matter now_

"Meredith," Derek said, bringing her away from the trance she'd found herself in. She looked at him and he just smiled at her. "I've thought a lot about what you said awhile ago in the hospital." Meredith looked at him curiously, but he just smiled at her until it clicked in her brain. He pulled something out of his pocket, but Meredith couldn't tear her eyes away from his long enough to look at it. "Meredith Grey, I love you and I always will," he began.

_Whatever happens to me_

Meredith had put the pieces of the puzzle together, but she still couldn't believe that it was actually happening when he got down on one knee before her illuminated solely by the moonlight. "We're never going to be perfect. We're always going to have problems, but heaven doesn't mean perfection."

_Though the air speaks of all we'll never be_

"Heaven means that we're together and in love, forever. I want to live in that heaven for the rest of my life, Meredith," Derek opened the small black box without taking his eyes off of Meredith.

_It won't trouble me_

"I want you to wear the ring you already have for the rest of your life, but I want you to wear this on your ring finger as a token of my heart and a symbol of our engagement." He stopped and took a deep breath, "That is if you will. Meredith Grey, will you marry me?"

And it feels so close

Meredith fell into his arms again before she could even say yes. Derek let himself fall back on the ground this time as her arms wrapped around his neck. It felt utterly and completely surreal to both of them. Meredith pulled away from Derek just enough to look him in the eye with tears running down her own. Derek pulled her hands away from his neck long enough to slip the ring on and place her promise ring on her right hand before she began kissing him.

_Let it take me in_

They forgot about the years they were separated. They forgot about the hurt and pain they'd caused each other. They forgot about the accident. They forgot about everything that had pulled them away from each other. They forgot about the entire world.

_Let it hold me so_

They forgot about everything besides each other and they made love until the sun rose.

_I can feel it say..._


	12. Chapter 12: Home

**Chapter 12: Home**

Meredith's eyes slowly opened, her eyes adjusting to the light that was beaming down on her. As she slowly woke up, she realized that she wasn't in her bed. In fact, she wasn't in a bed at all; she was lying on the floor. She sat up as she pulled the fleece blanket around her naked body.

She looked around and found herself feeling extremely small in the large, hollow room. The walls were plain white, but the ceilings were at least nine feet high. There were a few doors and a large fireplace against a smaller wall.

As she stood up, she wrapped the blanket tightly around her body and walked over to the fireplace. Her fingers ran across the deep wooden mantle that had been carefully carved. As she turned away from it, she realized something. This was her bedroom. Her and Derek's bedroom in their new house.

It was a little overwhelming actually. She swore that their small apartment could fit inside this room and she began to wonder what exactly he had planned to put in this room besides the very large bed she was going to make him buy.

She looked over at the two wooden doors and finally chose one to open. She found a narrow hallway and walked through it, turning left to find herself in a much larger room. It too had a carefully crafted fireplace, leading her to guess it was the living room. He ceiling went up to the second floor, adding even more of a spacious feeling. She ventured back towards the hallway and found herself in the foyer.

It's ceiling too went up to the second story, the stairs being on her right. She saw the deep wooden front door and another door a little ways to the right. She opened the other door and found a medium sized room, almost completely lined with empty, built-in bookshelves.

As her eyes danced around the large crown molding and all of the architectural details, she heard the front door open. She quickly turned around and walked back into the foyer, seeing the back of Derek's body walk past the living room into a part of the house she had yet to explore.

She passed a few other doors as she heard something from wherever Derek was. She finally found an open doorway. She leaned against the wall as she looked in at Derek and the room.

He was in the kitchen with a few bags. Apparently he'd gotten some coffee and breakfast. Her eyes fell on the deep cabinets, the stainless steel appliances, the dark granite counter tops, and the large, curved island that Derek was leaning against. She still couldn't really accept the fact that this was her home.

"Are you going to stare at me all day or are you going to come and get your coffee?" Derek asked, not looking back at her.

She smiled before walking over to him and leaning her body against his. He looked back at her and smiled before kissing her forehead, "Sleep well?" he asked gently.

"Yes," she answered.

"Do you like our house?" he asked, a little bit of worry shadowing the sparkle in his eye.

Her growing smile made the shadow disappear, "I love it."

He turned around and took her slender body in his hands, "Well then, Meredith Grey, welcome home."


	13. Chapter 13: Passive Aggressive

**Chapter 13: Passive Aggressive**

Time passed quickly, allowing Meredith and Derek to get settled into their new home. Most of the bedrooms upstairs were ridiculously empty, but it gave them room to grow.

Originally, only their friends knew about their engagement. They'd kept it rather quiet, knowing that Meredith had to get back into the swing of things at work before the rumor mill started attacking her again. As she got more settled into the life of a surgeon again, more and more people started seeing her take off her engagement ring or put it back on. The engagement may have not been discussed, but Meredith wore the ring everyday. She knew Derek really did want to tell everyone and she did too, but she didn't want to hurt Ryan anymore than she knew she already had.

"Dr. Grey?"

"Yes?" Meredith said as she looked up at one of the nurses at the nurse's station.

"Here's the chart for your noon appointment," she said handing the chart to Meredith.

Meredith took it and started reviewing at as she headed down to the exam room that her new patient should be in. Apparently the girl had been complaining of headaches and other common symptoms and she'd had a seizure.

An intern was outside of the room, waiting for Meredith with the patient's MRI scans. Meredith took them and began looking at them, "Dr. Jackson, what do you see?" she questioned.

"It looks like an tumor," he answered as he pointed to a lighter spot on the scan.

Meredith nodded, "What do you think?"

The intern was silent for a moment and Meredith could tell that he was thinking, "It doesn't look curable. I mean, you could go in there and remove at least half of it to relieve pressure and hopefully end the seizures, but that portion is too fuzzy and narrow to remove without causing more damage than what has already been done."

Meredith sighed. She'd been thinking the same thing, but she had hoped that the brightest intern might have seen something she hadn't. The girl was young and she didn't deserve to die from a brain tumor. No one did. "Okay, let's go talk to the patient about this."

Meredith and Dr. Jackson walked into the room and headed over to the bed, Meredith smiled at the sleeping child before turning to the parents and shaking their hands, "Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Benning. I'm Dr. Grey and this is Dr. Jackson."

"Have you two figured out what's going on with my baby?" Mrs. Benning asked, fear evident in her eyes and voice.

Meredith took the MRI scan and placed it on the viewer for them to see. She pointed out the tumor, "Vanessa has a rather large tumor, especially for her age," Meredith explained.

"Can you fix this? I mean, will she need surgery? Is she going to be all right?" Mrs. Benning asked, shooting questions at them.

Meredith circled and smaller portion of the tumor with her finger, "This portion I can take out. It'll have its risks just as any brain surgery would. The surgery would relieve some pressure, but the rest I can't remove unless it grows in a specific way. If it continues to grow in the way it has been, then there is nothing I can do."

The parents had tears in their eyes and Meredith knew this was the worst part of her job. Hope was all some families had and she was ripping it away from them. They were silent as they stared at the MRI scan, trying to make sense of the situation. Mr. Benning finally spoke up, "Are you the Head of Neurosurgery?"

"No, I'm second in line," Meredith said cautiously.

"We want a second opinion," he stated, "And we want it from the best."

* * *

"Meghan? Is Dr. Shepherd around?" Meredith asked as she found Derek's new secretary.

"He's in surgery. Is it something important?" she asked, looking up from her computer.

"Uh, no, not as important as surgery," Meredith said.

She stood there for a moment in thought before Meghan spoke up again, "What about Dr. Dawson? He is the Head of Neuro. I'm sure he can help you with whatever you needed Dr. Shepherd for." She stopped for a moment before speaking again, "Well, if it's not anything personal, I mean."

"No, it's professional," Meredith answered, knowing that Meghan felt awkward after her comment. "I guess you can page Dr. Dawson," she said hesitantly.

* * *

"What do you need?" Ryan said in an irritated voice as he walked up to Meredith.

Meredith was a little surprised at his rudeness. They'd become civil around each other lately; she had no idea where this was coming from. "I just have a case that the family wants a second opinion on."

"Why? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," Meredith snapped, "It's inoperable, so they just wanted a second opinion. Any family would ask."

"Fine," Ryan huffed as Meredith handed him the chart. "This girl is going to die."

"Great Christmas spirit, Ryan," Meredith said sarcastically, "Maybe you shouldn't talk to them. They're having a rough time as it is."

"You don't think I can do my job?" Ryan asked, closing the chart.

"I never said that," Meredith explained, slightly offended. "You just are obviously pissed off, so I don't think you would be able to comfort a hurt and scared family right now. Just, forget I asked. I'll wait for Derek."

"Of course. Derek. He'd be much better, wouldn't he?"

"Ryan Dawson, what is wrong with you?" Meredith snapped as she ripped the chart out of his hands, "I haven't slept in 30 hours or eaten in twelve and I'm just trying to do my job. Either do yours as well with at least some sort of professionalism or just go home. I don't have the time or energy to deal with your passive aggressiveness right now."

Ryan stood there stunned by her blow out. She stared at him for a moment, expecting some type or response or apology or something, but she got nothing. Utterly pissed off and annoyed, she hurried down the hallway and towards Derek's office searching for a place to be alone and relax.


	14. Chapter 14: Richard's Tragedy

**Chapter 14: Richard's Tragedy **

She really did love hiding in his huge, relaxing office. The blinds had been closed when she got there, preventing the hospital from seeing into their new Chief's office. In a way, it was weird to be in there knowing that it was Derek's office now. She had so many memories in which it was Dr. Webber's office. Some of them were professional, but some of them were personal. She'd managed to get a little closer to the only father figure she had ever had. One you removed the resentment she wanted to hold against him for the end of her parent's marriage, of course.

She swiveled around in circles on the leather chair in the darkness for a while until she heard the door open. She stopped and looked up at the door, smiling, expecting Derek. When she saw the older woman, nothing came to her besides surprise.

Meredith quickly stood up, practically jumping out of the chair. The wheels rolled it back a little and Meredith silently prayed that it wouldn't slam into the wall. When it stopped, silence filled the room. The two women stared at each other for a moment until Meredith stepped out from behind the desk, attempting to start a conversation.

"Is Richard here?"

Meredith hesitated. The small amount of confidence she'd found during that silence slipped away. "Um, actually, uh, this isn't… it's isn't his office anymore."

Adele stood immobile for a moment until she slowly looked back at the open door. Her eyes glanced at the nameplate that she hadn't noticed before. She'd come accustomed to it saying 'Chief Richard Webber.' It said that for as long as she remembered. She hadn't ever bothered looking at it before. But now she realized the difference. It said 'Chief Derek Shepherd.'

She slowly turned back to Meredith who had her fingers tapping rhythmically on the wooden desk. "I wasn't aware," Adele said, her back straight, her head held high. "I thought Derek had left Seattle years ago."

"He, umm, he did. He just… came back," Meredith managed to say.

"And I'm guessing you two are back together?" Adele asked, obviously referring to the fact that she was alone in his office.

"Yes," Meredith said, her face lighting up a little, "We're engaged, actually."

"Really? Can I see the ring?" As Meredith stepped closer to Adele, letting her examine the ring, the awkwardness fell for a moment. For a moment, these two women had no conflicting histories. Adele's cold stare and monotone voice was replaced by a warm smile and sweet congratulations. But the second the subject of the ring disappeared, the awkwardness resurfaced, finding them in the same unpleasant silence as before.

"Anyways, I was told that I needed to come down here," Adele said trying to get back on topic, "People have been calling me for over a week. I finally decided to see what the fuss was about."

"Oh, yeah, the Chief- I mean, Dr. Webber, he's here," Meredith stammered out. She really didn't want to be the one to tell Adele about this. She would give anything to be somewhere else right now and have just let Derek deal with this.

"He never would leave this hospital," Adele answered annoyingly as she shook her head a little in disbelief.

"Oh, no, it's… he's a patient here."

Adele's cold stare once again left her face, replaced by one that to Meredith was unexplainable. Her heart went out to this woman knowing that she was heartbroken when she didn't even know the severity of Dr. Webber's case.

"Can I… Can I see him?"

Meredith swallowed the bitter air as she tried to pretend that she couldn't see the tears in Adele's eyes. "Maybe before we go, I should explain what happened," she said. Her stuttered and low voice disappeared. She went into doctor mode and left feelings behind. She knew it was the only way she was going to be able to handle this.

"No, I don't- I just want to see him first."

"I really think I should explain first," Meredith said again. Adele didn't need to go in his room and find out that he hasn't woken up.

"No," she said in the firm voice that she had momentarily lost, "I don't care about medical mumbo jumbo. I just want to see Richard."

The women in Meredith overtook the Doctor part of her and made her comply. She just kept imagining that Derek had been in Adele's position not too long ago and she knew that if Derek had denied seeing her, all hell would have broken loose.

* * *

Meredith placed her hand on the metal doorknob, but stopped. She turned around and looked at Adele's tense expression. "I really think you should let me talk to you before you go in there," Meredith said in a calm voice, her eyes trying to make sure no one was recognizing Adele.

Adele began to protest, but stopped. She looked into the window, but the off-white blinds blocked her sight. She looked back into Meredith's eyes and let her guard fall down. "It's really that bad isn't it?"

Meredith didn't respond. She let go of the doorknob and led Adele away from the room. She passed a nurse's station and saw Derek leaning against the side, busy with work.

She led Adele into a conference room and sat her down. She left the room and hurried over to Derek. When he felt her hand on his shoulder, he turned his head and smiled at her, "Hey. How's your day been?"

"Not so great," Meredith said. Derek turned his body towards and a concerned expression took over his face. "Adele, Richard's ex-wife. She's here. She's here and I don't know how to explain what happened. I mean, I know how, it's just… she hates me already, you know?"

Derek nodded and closed the chart he'd been writing in before placing it back on the shelf. He took Meredith's shaky hand and they both walked into the conference room where Adele nervously waited for an explanation.

"Adele," Derek said as they walked into the room. He let go of Meredith's hand and she took the seat next to Adele, while Derek headed to the opposite side of the table, deciding to stand, "It's good to see you."

"Congratulations," Adele answered, sounding distracted. She seemed on automatic, "About being Chief and being engaged. Life must be great."

"It is pretty good," Derek said with a small smile directed at Meredith before returning to the issue at hand. "Adele, Richard has been going through a lot lately."

"He's not going to die is he?" she asked quickly.

Derek sighed and walked back over to her. He kneeled down between her and Meredith, taking her hand. "Adele, back in October Richard went into cardiogenic shock." Immediately she grasped his hand tighter, bracing herself. "He didn't wake up afterwards. Meredith and I came as soon as we could, but there was nothing we could do. Then in November he had a seizure and his heart stopped again." He paused and looked up at the distant look in Adele's face. He wasn't sure if she was hearing anything he said, much less processing any of it. "Dr. Burke took him into surgery and saved his life, but he didn't wake up. We pronounced him PVS a month ago. Permanent Vegetative State."

Meredith didn't say anything as the conversation went on and eventually tuned it out. She felt horrible that all day in the back of her mind she'd been worried about things like Ryan's attitude and Christmas. She hadn't even thought about the Chief. She hadn't visited him in a long time. She used to go sit with him and talk, but she had gotten busy.

When she looked up, she saw tears running down Adele's face as Derek tried to comfort her. Behind her, she could see Ryan standing at the nurse's station that Derek had been earlier. He looked upset and she knew he'd overheard the retelling of Richard's tragedy. At first she didn't get why he was upset. Then she remembered.


	15. Chapter 15: Okay

**Just in case you were wondering, you aren't going to remember what she's remembering because you don't know. You will eventually find out though! **

**I'm pretty excited though because right now and the updates after this is basically where this story takes a turn away from the prequel and really adapts it's own identity.**

**I hope that you guys continue to enjoy the story and thank you so much for all the reviews!**

**Oh, and, sorry that this chapter is kind of short!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 15: Okay**

"You okay, Mer?" Derek asked, looking over at his girlfriend. Her head was rested against the window and she hadn't said a word since she met him down in the lobby.

She slowly looked at him and could see the worry in his eyes, "I'm fine," she answered.

"I know that was hard," Derek said as he ran his fingers over her hand, "There was nothing we really could have done to prepare Adele for that."

"He's not going to wake up, you know?" Meredith said, shocking Derek.

"There's a chance-"

"No," Meredith answered quickly, "We both know that it would basically be a medical miracle with his condition. He's not going to wake up."

"Meredith," he said gently. He ran his hand along her cheek and she instinctively leaned into his touch, "It's Christmas, lets try and be happy."

Meredith turned away from him and looked back at the window. He could tell there was something eating at her other than Adele. She hated Adele. He didn't understand why she would be so upset for Adele. He could understand her grief when it came to the Chief, but this was different. He didn't want to pressure her, because after all, it was Christmas Eve. It was his job to make sure that she was okay.

"Everyone is coming over tonight," Derek said, trying to change the subject. "Izzie was bugging me the other day about not having seen the house yet."

"Yeah, everyone will finally get to see it," Meredith answered, a small hint of a smile on her lips.

"They're going to love it," Derek said, "But before everyone comes we still have to decorate our tree."

"Yeah," she said again, the smile growing.

"You're okay?" Derek asked, squeezing her hand.

She lifted her head and looked up at him again, "Yeah, I'm okay."


	16. Chapter 16: A Light Up Neurosurgeon

**Okay, it's time for Christmas! (Even if it is March in the real world!) Christmas is going to be something that spans over probably ten chapters. And there is a song that is going to be carried through most of them. It's Sixpence None the Richer's version of 'It came upon a midnight clear.' Just to throw some Christmas Spirit into it! Meredith and Derek have had very hectic lives throughout the prequel and this sequel. They deserve a nice break from that, don't you agree?**

* * *

**Chapter 16: A Light Up Neurosurgeon**

_**It came upon the midnight clear**_

"Hey? Meredith, can you help me for a second?"

Meredith looked up from the recipe in front of her that she was trying to convince herself she could follow. She followed Derek's voice out to the living room and looked at the large tree. "You're insane, aren't you?" she asked as she curiously looked for Derek. "Where are you?"

"I'm behind the tree," he said. She walked around the room and found him tangled in a mess of Christmas lights. "Can you help me?" She was thrown into a fit of laughter that Derek didn't appreciate. "Hey, don't laugh at me! You'd be in this situation if I wasn't the one hanging the lights!"

"No, Derek, I know how to hang lights without getting wrapped up in them," she teased as she stepped towards him and untangled him. "How did you manage this anyways?"

"You don't want to know," he mumbled under his breath as she continued to laugh at the situation. "How's the cooking going, Miss I-do-everything-right."

"The cooking… the cooking is… Izzie can cook," Meredith finished. "No one is going to eat anything I make anyways. Even if I succeed they're all going to think its toxic."

"Have you started it yet?" Derek asked as he came out from behind the tree, fully untangled from the many lines of lights.

"No. I'm still hoping that if I stare at it long enough, it'll just appear in front of my eyes," she said almost seriously.

"We've been home for two hours, Mer."

"Yeah and the only thing you've succeeded in is making yourself into a light up neurosurgeon," she joked. "We've all got problems." She leaned into him and quickly stole a kiss before heading back to their large kitchen.

"I'm a very sexy light up neurosurgeon!" he called out to her as she walked away which just threw her into ever more laughter.

_**That glorious song of old  
From angels bending near the earth  
to touch their harps of gold**_

Derek plugged the lights in and turned off the rest of the lights in the living room and foyer. He stepped back, marveling at the sight before him. He felt Meredith's present next to him and he quickly wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to his body.

"I don't smell any food," he whispered into her hair.

"Shut up," she said quickly, hitting him lightly. She buried her head into his body, watching the lights dance around in different colors as the mood in the room changed, "I can't remember the last time I had a Christmas tree," she said.

Derek tore his eyes away from the tree, looking down at her. "What? No Christmas tree? I didn't think that was possible with Izzie."

She giggled a little before letting her eyes rest back on the tree, "I've lived with Ryan for the past three years. He didn't like Christmas."

"Yeah, he's usually pretty upset during Christmas time," Derek said quietly.

"He was today and I yelled at him," Meredith confessed, "I completely forgot."

Derek could sense that she was guilty. He placed a small kiss in her hair as his hand caressed her arm, "He'll forgive you."

"I feel horrible," Meredith answered, "It took him a long time to tell me. He said no one really knows much about it besides the people that were there."

"Yeah," Derek answered quietly, "I was there when his father died on Christmas Eve. We were about thirteen."

A small silence developed between the two before Meredith decided to change the subject, "The trees at the other house were Izzie's. I never paid much attention to them. And my family had never been big on holidays, so I just wasn't either. But this, this is different. It's nice."

"And it's yours," he whispered into her ear before planting another kiss in her silky hair.

"No, it's ours," she said. She pulled away a little to look up at him, "I love this Derek, I really do."

"Yeah, I do too," he smiled as he pulled her back into his arms.

_**Peace on the earth, good will to men  
from heaven's all gracious king**_


	17. Chapter 17: Balls, Bells, and Stars

**Ariana04- I just wanted to thank you for that wonderful comment and respond to the Izzie's part. I completely agree with you. I think that usually when I'm writing, I get caught up in Meredith and Derek. The thing about Grey's is that it balances tons of story lines. I don't think I could write something that complex, but I've been beginning to try to develop all of my characters, not just Meredith and Derek. You will actually see more character development overall in the up coming chapters, but there will be some specific to Izzie. She's actually got her own story line soon... And thanks so much about the whole Grey's thing. It'd be a dream come true besides the fact that I'm 14 and plan on going to medical school!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 17: Christmas Balls, Bells, and Stars**

_**The world in solemn stillness lay**_

They stood there for a few moments, just holding on to each other. These moments were when their love for one another was most powerful and it was amazing to them. It reassured them that everything would be okay in life because they had each other.

"Ready for the ornaments?" Derek asked, finally letting go of Meredith.

"Ornaments? You have ornaments?" she asked, slight surprised as she watched him head over to the other side of the room.

He picked an unused strain of lights up from the top of a box and then grabbed the box. He carried over to their couch and set it down. "You can't have a tree and not have ornaments. Besides, I have tons of nieces and nephews. Homemade ornaments is a signature gift for at least he first six years of their life," he joked as he placed the box on the couch and opened it. Meredith stepped over to him and placed her arms on his back as he opened the box. "As Shepherd tradition, a simple blue ball has to be hung first."

"A blue ball?" Meredith asked as he turned back to her.

He revealed a blue ball to her and smiled, "It's simple, but it's something my family has done for generations. Everyone on my Dad's side of the family has blue eyes. It's just a thing. Granted, my sisters ruined it, but we still follow it. Blue is something that connects us in a weird way."

Meredith smiled at him, "That's cute."

"Come here," Derek said. He gently took her hand and led her over to the large lit tree. "You can hang it. Anywhere on the tree you like," he said handing her the small blue ball.

"Derek," she said quietly as she stepped away from him. "I can't do that. It's a family tradition. You should hang it. It's yours."

"Meredith, you are my family, you are my life," he said smiling, "And one day, you are going to be my wife." He held the ball out to her again, "Go on, hang it."

Meredith hesitated for a moment, but his smile encouraged her. She slowly took the ball and looked at the tree for a few moments, having no idea where she would hang it. She finally decided on a spot in the middle, allowing it to be completely visible from most of the room. As the hook rested against the tree branch, she stepped back and looked to Derek. He smiled at her and pulled her close to him again, "Perfect."

_**To hear the angels sing  
**__  
**Still through the cloven skies they come**_

Derek let go of Meredith and grabbed her hand again, leading her back to the box, "Now, following Shepherd tradition, we put the bells up," Derek said.

"The bells?" Meredith asked curiously.

"Yes, the bells." Derek picked a green bell out of the box, "When I lived at home, we had seven bells. Two green and five red. The green were for me and my Dad and the red were for my sisters and my Mom. They have our names on them. We got them on our first Christmases. My Mom made them for each of us," Derek said as he showed her the carefully crafted bell.

"It's gorgeous," Meredith answered.

"It is," Derek agreed with a small smile, "Also by tradition, everyone has to put their own bell up," he explained as he reached back into the box, "And this year, the tree will have one green and one red," he said as he held out another bell to her, almost identical to his.

"Your Mom made this?" Meredith asked as she took the bell. It was very detailed and her name was stenciled on beautifully in golden cursive letters.

"She made it for you," Derek answered.

Meredith smiled as she looked up at Derek, "Derek, your Mom doesn't even know me."

"She knows of you and she knows how much you mean to me," Derek said as he placed his hand on the small of her back and led her over to the tree, "This is your first Christmas, Mer. Your first Christmas with me."

They both hung up their bells, while Meredith tired to hide the tears that were slowly falling down her face. Derek watched her and he swore he could see her eyes sparkle.

**_With peaceful wings unfurled And still their heavenly music floats_ **

_**O'er all the weary world**_

"Now we have one more thing before we can hang up the ornaments that I've collected over the years and the ones that my nieces and nephews have made," Derek said as they walked back over to the box. "Wait here for a second," he said.

Meredith nodded as he walked out of the room. She looked back over at the Christmas tree and saw the three ornaments that were on it. Just one blue ball and two bells. It would look bad or plain to anyone else, but to her it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Never before had she felt so wanted.

She wiped her tears away as Derek walked back into the living room, telling her to sit down. She did as she was told and got comfortable on the couch. Derek sat down on the coffee table across from her, their knees knocking into each other. He pulled a silver box out from behind his back and held it between them..

"What is this?" Meredith asked as her face lit up.

Derek had had a boyish smile on his face since he walked back into the room, but it still grew as she spoke. He opened the box, revealing white tissue paper. "It's a gift," Derek said as he looked up at Meredith, "Its part of your Christmas present."

"Part of it?" Meredith asked, "I didn't know I was getting any Christmas present."

"Then you don't know me very well," Derek joked as he looked back down at the box and carefully pulled the tissue paper open.

Derek placed the box next to him as he pulled out a shining silver snowflake. As he held it by the silver string coming off of the top, it twirled around, catching the lights from the tree and sparkling them all around.

Derek looked back at Meredith and her eyes full of delight. His smile grew even more as he leaned closer to Meredith and held the ornament to her. "I guess this is more for us, then just you," he said.

Meredith took it in her hands. As she looked down at it, she saw it was engraved. "Derek and Meredith," she read, "First Christmas together, 2013."

She smiled as she looked up at Derek. "Turn it over," he said.

Meredith looked at him for a moment before following his directions. She turned it around and noticed that the back was engraved as well. "The beginning of a never ending tradition," she read. She looked up to Derek as another tear rolled down her cheek.

"Do you like it?" Derek asked excitedly.

"Do I like it? I love it!" she said as she wrapped her arms around Derek. "This is the most amazing Christmas I've ever had, Derek."

"Me too, Mer. Me too," he mumbled against her hair, feeling like he'd never let her go.

_**Above its sad and lowly plains  
they bend on hovering wing**_


	18. Chapter 18: Growing Together

**Chapter 18: Growing Together**

_**And ever o'er its Babel sounds**_

Derek had started a fire in their living room fireplace that was next to their ridiculously large tree once they finished decorating it. He then went into the kitchen and found Meredith staring at the recipe again, "Meredith, it's not going to do anything. It's paper."

"I know," she answered as she looked back at him, "I'm just hoping that maybe it'll dawn on me how to do this."

He walked over to and wrapped his arms around her, "Mer? Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure," she answered looking up at him.

"It's not."

"Shut up," she answered as she pulled away from Derek's grasp and looked back at the recipe.

"Okay, that's enough of that," Derek said as he grabbed the sheet of paper and quickly deposited it in the trash.

"I can't believe you just did that!" Meredith said, looking at Derek's smirking face.

"Mer, go get that red blanket you love so much out of our bedroom and we'll do something better than staring at directions, okay?" Derek said before kissing her on the forehead.

"Okay," Meredith said complying as she left the room. She ventured into their bedroom, not even looking into the living room, and grabbed the blanket that she really did love. Derek had had it even back when they were together the first time. She loved it and she swore it was the softest thing on this earth.

She pulled her hair out of the messy ponytail it had been since she left the hospital and slowly made her way into the hallway. Before she even entered the living room, she began to get a little suspicious. She could tell that all the lights were off and as she got closer, she saw some sort of glow.

She walked into the living room and stopped, finding the fireplace going and candles lit around the room. Derek was lying on the couch, waiting for her, a bottle of champagne and two glasses sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

He looked up at her, that smile that had changed her life so many times was sparkling at her. She slowly made her way over to him and he sat up, wrapping his arms around her the second she came into reach. He pulled her down on the couch and held her close to him.

He reached over her and grabbed the two flutes of champagne. She watched him curiously, knowing that he had something planned. They both sat up a little as he handed her one of the flutes. He draped the blanket over their intertwined bodies before gazing into her eyes.

"This is the first Christmas we've ever spent together," he pointed out, watching her affectionately.

"It only took us eight years," she joked as a more serious face took over Derek. She instantly took it as a clue to be quiet and listen.

"James Baldwin said something once," Derek began, "He said, 'Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is growing up.' Meredith, we both fought to be here. To be lying together, in our house, engaged. So many things have changed."

She smiled at him, already feeling tears in her eyes. He leaned into her, kissing them away before pulling back. "So I propose a toast. This can mark a new start for us. Soon a new year will be starting without complications and we can just be us. So, here's to us growing up. Finally getting out of that drama filled life and being together. Here's to growing together instead of apart."

They clinked their glasses together and downed the champagne before hastily placing the glasses back on the table, both of them having something else on their mind. Derek leaned into Meredith, kissing her gently. His hand cradled her neck, as she let her back fall onto the couch.

Derek slowly separated her lips with his tongue as his hand slipped up her shirt. Her hands found themselves in his hair and they began to completely lose themselves to passion.

"We're here!" Izzie sang as the front door flew open

"God, could you guys live anywhere closer to Hicksville?" Cristina's scowled.

And then, they found themselves again.

**_The blessed angels sing_**_**  
All ye, beneath life's crushing load**_

"What did you guys forget that we were coming over?" Cristina asked as she walked into the living room as Meredith and Derek quickly covered their bodies with the red blanket.

"Oh god!" George said as he realized what they walked in on, "Innocent eyes… innocent eyes," he mumbled as he pulled Cristina's two children away from the room.

"Oh yeah, like they haven't seen Yang and Burke going at it," Alex said cockily.

"Karev!" Burke said in his authoritative tone that he used at work.

"Meredith? Where is your kitchen! I have food!" Izzie said, finishing off in a sing-songy voice just as she had before.

Derek groaned and laid his head down on Meredith's shoulder, "Remind me again why they're here."

"Because they haven't seen this wonderful house that you bought for us," she whispered into his ear innocently, "And I because you know I want them to see this house and you love me so much that you're willing to forgive me for this."

"Okay, seriously? Can you get off of each other now? I don't know where the booze is in this house and Burke wouldn't let me get any," Cristina complained before sending a pillow in their direction.

"The kitchen is down the hall to the left. Would you all mind going in there for a second?" Meredith said to her friends as Derek pulled himself off of her.

"Yeah, yeah, but you better be fully clothed when you come in there, McDreamy. I do not feel like vomiting tonight!" Cristina called out as she followed the rest of the group into the kitchen.

"Just so you know," Derek said as he pulled her up with him, "This isn't over."

"It better not be."

_**Whose forms are bending low?**_

* * *

**Thank you all for reading and please review!**

**I'd also like to ask that you guys would go around and read some of my other stories: Delicate. To be with you, or Timeless. I've written a good amount of So Jealous as well, but I'm kind of stuck, so it's not getting updated currently!**_**  
**_


	19. Chapter 19: The Look

**Chapter 19: The Look**

_**Who toil along the climbing way**_

Meredith walked into her kitchen, still slightly blushing with Derek right behind her, his hand on her lower back guiding her.

"The house is gorgeous Mer!" Izzie squealed, in her very happy Izzie way.

"Meri!" a little girl said happily as she rushed over to Meredith.

Meredith looked down and smiled picking up the sweet little girl, "I sometimes wonder how you are your mother's daughter," she said more to Cristina than the little girl, "I'm sorry I haven't been seeing you much lately Ms. Jackie."

"That's okay Meri," the little girl answered, "Did you know that Santa is coming tonight?"

"Yes I did," Meredith answered, "I think I have something you may like," she continued as she walked away with the four-year-old in her arms.

Izzie turned back to Derek and smiled once Meredith had walked out of earshot, "I know that look."

"What look?" Derek asked as he walked over to the island, which had been covered in Izzie's wonderful cooking. He grabbed a sugar cookie and looked over at Meredith who was showing the little girl a few toys she'd bought for her. Cristina's little boy soon ran over there too and Derek just smiled.

"That look," Callie said, jumping in.

Derek gave them a strange look before turning to Burke, "What are they talking about?"

"The look," Burke agreed.

"Oh, god, now you sound like the women I work with," Cristina said before leaving the conversation for Meredith.

"That's so cute that you have the look," Izzie said again, her face glowing.

Derek took a few more cookies out of the small jar, "What are you guys talking about? I don't have a look."

"Yes, you do," Burke said, shaking his head as he walked across the kitchen to where George and Alex were to grab a beer and join in their conversation.

Izzie waddled over to the island and sat down on one of the barstools, "So, have you two had the talk?"

"Do women always talk strangely when they're pregnant?" Derek asked, looking over at Callie.

"Don't look at me," she answered innocently, "I've never been pregnant."

"What are you talking about, Izzie?"

"The talk about children?" Izzie asked, "I mean, you have the look. It's obvious you want them."

"I'm still not following," Derek said shaking his head.

"Meredith was right," Callie said, "You are a very brainless brain surgeon."

"You saw her with Jackie and you got all smilie," Izzie said, catching Derek's wavering attention, "You _so_ want to have kids with her."

"Who wants kids with who?" Meredith asked as she grabbed two cookies from Derek, giving one to the little girl she was holding and placing one in her own mouth.

Callie and Izzie just smiled before engaging in other conversations, while Derek just looked at her.

_**With painful steps and slow  
Look, now for glad and golden hours**_

"Seriously, what were you guys talking about?" Meredith insisted, taking another cookie.

"Nothing," Derek said, brushing it off.

Meredith turned to the little girl in her arms with a smile on her face, "I think Uncle Derek is lying. Don't you?"

"Yep!" the little girl said excitingly.

Derek loved the sweetness of the little girl. She was always smiling and peaceful, "Mer, I think there was a mix up at the hospital."

"What?" Meredith asked, her face falling a little.

"There is no way that this little girl could be Cristina's."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she grabbed Derek's hand and led the three of them into the living room. Izzie had already found a place on the couch surrounded by Alex, Cristina, and Burke. George was pulling wrapped presents out of the large shopping bags they'd been placed in to bring here.

Meredith placed Jackie down and she ran over to her brother who was eagerly sitting in front of the Christmas tree, waiting to be given their first gift.

Meredith looked up at Derek with a loving gaze before pulling him farther into the room. Derek found a place on the floor, leaning against the coffee table. He pulled Meredith down with him and held her close on her lap.

"You each only get one present tonight!" Cristina instructed, "That's all you deserve anyways."

"Oh, come on Cristina. Let them open a few," Meredith pleaded, "They only get to be kids for a few years."

"They got to you Mer," Cristina responded, "Their sweetness. It's toxic."

"It's cute," Izzie corrected.

"Okay!" George said, drawing everyone's attention to the tree. He picked up a small wrapped in metallic pink wrapping paper. "I think the first present of the night goes to a very deserving person."

He handed it to Izzie who was completely surprised. She slid the ribbon off of it and looked at the small nametag. Her eyes looked up at Alex who just smiled. She slowly opened it and found a sterling silver necklace with a simple butterfly pendant.

Her heart melted as she looked at the necklace in her hands. She'd always loved butterflies. They were unpredictable and a gift from nature. Alex took the necklace from her hands and placed it around her neck as everyone watched them. "I want our little girl to know how amazing her mother is."

"Alex… this is beautiful," she said as she played with the pendant that was lying against her skin.

"Burke, next year, we're staying home," Cristina mumbled to Burke who just ignored her comment.

Everyone received one gift from someone and the rest were left under the tree for the morning. Izzie brought out more cookies and other delicious treats and everyone enjoyed themselves with their family.

"Mer, I'll be back in a second, okay?" Derek whispered into Meredith's ear.

She turned herself away from the conversation she was having with her friends, "Where are you going?"

"Just to the bathroom. I'll be back in a second." Meredith nodded before he kissed her lightly on the lips and left the room.

"So, Mer, you and Derek are getting married soon, right?" Izzie asked, taking full advantage of his departure.

"A month ago you guys didn't like the fact that we were engaged and now you are pushing for us to be married? This is just the hormones, right?" Meredith joked as she sipped her wine glass.

"I just think you guys should be married first," Izzie stated.

"What are you talking about?"

Izzie rolled her eyes, "For two neurosurgeons, both of you are completely clueless. He wants to have kids with you Mer, can't you see that?"

Meredith just shook her head, "We haven't even discussed kids. Can you guys just let us be happy and together before anyone mentions me gaining sixty pounds and pushing a bowling ball out of my vagina?"

"Whatever, Mer. I get it, denial. It's your thing, whatever. I'm just saying it's going to happen. It's clear that you guys can't keep your pants on and he so wants it," Izzie pointed out, "And I kind of think you do too."

Meredith looked away as she saw Derek walking back in the room with something in his hands. She looked at him curiously, but he just smiled and took his place on the floor again.

"I know you already got your one present for the evening, but I think I'm going to break the rules for a moment," Derek said, pulling her down into his lap. "Merry Christmas, Mer," he whispered into her ear as he handed her a small turquoise box.

"Derek, you really didn't need-"

"Open it, Meredith," Derek said, still holding the box out to her.

She picked it out of his hands and opened the small jewelry box. Inside was a gorgeous necklace. The chain was simple and long with an aquamarine rainbow drop pendant hanging down. She picked it out of the box and looked up at Derek, "Derek, you can't keep pampering me like this and showering me with gifts."

He took her hand and ran his fingers over her engagement ring, "See this ring? This ring says that I can pamper you and shower you with gifts for the rest of my life."

Meredith placed her hand on his cheek and pulled his face down to hers, letting her kiss him. They didn't even care that not everyone's eyes were on them. It didn't matter. They both knew that none of this was for show, it was just for them.

_**Come swiftly on the wing**_


	20. Chapter 20: Killing Cookies

**Chapter 20: Killing Cookies**

_**Or rest beside the weary road**_

When the doorbell rung, no one in the house heard it. Cristina had taken her children upstairs to the only bedroom besides Meredith and Derek's that had been fully furnished almost thirty minutes ago. Burke had joined her not too long after to help her with their children.

Izzie had passed out on the couch long ago, her pregnancy weighing her Christmas spirit down greatly. Everyone else was in the kitchen, munching on more of Izzie's food, trying to clean up, and talking lightly about anything and everything.

But as the doorbell rang for the second time, Derek noticed. He looked up at the clock and noticed that it was nearing ten o'clock. That really was not all that late, but these doctors hadn't had a day off in weeks and they were all ready to pass out.

As Derek headed out of the kitchen, he kissed Meredith quickly on the forehead as she wondered out loud who could be at the door. She stayed with Alex, George, and Callie in the kitchen as Derek walked into the foyer, looking over his shoulder at a peaceful Izzie.

The cool December wind blew through the house as Derek opened his front door. The small light on the porch was the only illumination for miles and it set strange shadows all around them.

Derek could have said he was surprised, but he knew that that would be an understatement. He thought it may have been another friend just dropping by to say Merry Christmas, but he had not been expecting this.

"I… uh, I know this is your house and I'm guessing I'm not really welcome here, I just was hoping that I could… that I could possibly speak to Meredith."

Derek thought for a moment. He thought about slamming the door and walking back into the kitchen to spend the rest of his evening with his fiancé, forgetting completely about this visitor. He then thought about lashing out about all the pain Meredith had dealt with and the guilt she felt just earlier this evening.

Despite his many thoughts, something willed him to ignore them. Maybe it was the Christmas spirit that had filled his mind and body since he had walked into the house with Meredith's hand in his that afternoon. Maybe it was the calmness that Meredith's love had brought to his usual erratic temper. Maybe it was the forgotten friendship that he had once shared with this man. He didn't really know.

No matter what caused him to do it, he nodded carefully. He opened the door widely and gestured for Ryan to walk in. He closed the door and locked it instinctively. He gave Ryan a look that alluded to him staying exactly where he was. Ryan understood as he stood up straight, close to the door.

He looked around the house, surprised by how large it was. He noticed Izzie lying asleep on the couch and tried to smile slightly at her as Derek walked down the hall.

"Izzie can sleep in our bed tonight. We really don't mind, Alex," Meredith said as she sat on one of the benches at the island.

"No, it's okay. She'll wake up soon hungry. She always does. We'll just go home so I can make whatever strange thing she's craving," Alex said in a more husbandly way than most would expect out of him.

Meredith smiled when she noticed that Derek had returned, but it fell when she looked at his expression. "Who's at the door, Derek?"

Derek didn't say anything at first. He just pulled out one of the wooden chairs from the kitchen table and sat down in it. He grabbed another cookie from the almost empty plate still sitting out. "There is someone waiting for you in the foyer, Meredith."

Meredith found his response strange. It was direct, like an order. When he said her name at the end of sentences, it was usually only came out as 'Mer.' He tended to only say her full name when saying something important or making a point. It felt strange to hear it this way. It didn't roll off his tongue. It seemed to be forced.

Her expression was tense as she slowly slipped off the stool. George, Callie, and Alex had all stopped to watch the awkward exchange between the couple that was usually so sweet and loving towards each other.

No one spoke until Meredith had left the room. At first they watched Derek, but Alex didn't like the silence. "Dude, you're killing that snowman."

Derek looked up at Alex confused until his eyes drifted towards the crumbled cookie in his own hand. "Are you okay?" George asked awkwardly. Derek didn't answer. He just picked up another cookie, this time destroying Santa Claus.

Callie and George shared a worried glance as they hurried to finish cleaning up. They both shared the idea that whatever this was, Meredith and Derek were going to need some time alone afterwards.

_**And hear the angels sing**_


	21. Chapter 21: Hear the Angels Sing

**Chapter 21: Hear the Angels Sing**

Meredith walked to her foyer, still unnerved by Derek's actions and lack of affection towards her. When she stepped into the open area, the figure before her was the last thing she had expected to see. Despite her surprise, she placed herself in front of him, leaving a large amount of space between them. She stood straight and assumed the act of fineness that she'd come accustomed to.

"I shouldn't be here," was all he could say. He hadn't seen Meredith standing in front of him dressed casually in a long time. Any interaction they'd shared had been professional and usually consisted of him being an ass. He'd lived with this woman for three years, but this seemed suddenly foreign to him.

"No, you shouldn't be here," she echoed, unsure of the point of this conversation. A second ago, she'd been hoping that Derek and her would curl up on the couch and fall asleep together watching some old black and white Christmas movie. Now, she was just hoping that she could make it through the next five minutes.

"I," Ryan began, taking a step closer to her. His voice fell the second she instinctively stepped back. He hadn't been planning on touching her. He had not lost that many brain cells. He just felt that the large space between them made it more awkward than it needed to be. The second she moved away, he realized that nothing about this situation was going to be normal. He was intruding on the Christmas Eve of his ex-fiancé and his ex-best friend. Nothing about that was anything but awkward.

Ryan sighed as he lost all of the confidence that he had managed to salvage under Derek's death glare. "I… uh, I just wanted to say thanks."

"Thanks?" Meredith asked quietly.

"Uh, yeah, thanks," Ryan continued, "I just talked to my Mother and I knew I couldn't have done that without you."

"Ryan, you haven't talked to your Mother in ten years," Meredith said puzzled as she began to wring her hands in nervousness.

"I know, I just, I wanted you to know that I couldn't have done that without you," Ryan said, stumbling over his own quickly spoken words. "And I, I thought you would want this."

He handed her an envelope. She hesitated for a moment, but then reached and took the plain envelope. Nothing was written on it and it wasn't sealed. She opened it and found an old picture. She looked up at Ryan, even more confusion written all over her face.

"I found it a long time ago. I didn't put it together until after we came back from New York. I decided to just leave it alone, though. I didn't want to cause any problems," he explained, "But I thought you'd want it." He stepped over the to door and unlocked it. He looked over at Meredith and offered her a small smile, "Merry Christmas, Meredith."

He pulled open the door, letting the cool breeze into the house. "I wasn't there," Meredith said quickly, stepping forward. "I didn't do anything. There's no reason to thank me. I wasn't there."

"This strength you have?" Ryan said as he closed the door slightly, keeping the cold air out, "It's amazing. You reconnected with a man you lost eight years ago. You've found a relationship that makes this entire city jealous. You've formed a family that is picture perfect. You've done it all Meredith and you've been given so little in your life."

He let the door completely shut as he stepped closer to Meredith. She didn't move at all this time. "You're something special, Mer. I could have given you so much more than I did. I'm not losing someone else. You made me realize that time doesn't erase love and you can lose things before your eyes."

"The strength you have is contagious. It was you who made me put ten years of anger behind me. You were the one who's stayed by me when I've fallen apart every Christmas for the past few years. That was all you," he stopped for a moment, as Meredith stood before him speechless. "I should have known when I found that picture in your nightstand drawer. I should have known that Derek had always been apart of you. I shouldn't have stood in the way of that. But that strength you have, it carried you through that and every other obstacle you've ever had."

"So, I'm still thanking you Meredith. I'm thanking you for letting me be part of your life for however long that may have been. You've changed me in a way that I can't even describe. Derek's lucky to have you. I just hope you can keep this happiness that you've found because you both deserve it. I just wanted you to know that. I wanted you to know how wonderful you really are."

He opened the door again and stepped out into the night. He looked back at Meredith who still stood motionless, "Merry Christmas, Meredith."

_**  
And hear the angels sing…

* * *

**_

_I decided to leave a little bit of an explanation. _

I've always felt that Ryan's character was never completely evolved. We never really saw that side of him that deeply loved Meredith. They had a long relationship that despite Derek, meant a lot to both of them. And now, still despite Derek, that is never going to go away. It's helped make Meredith who she is now and that is never going to go away.

I know everyone wants Meredith and Derek to hurry up and get married and have kids and I also know that that is technically my fault since I brought up the subject of kids, but honestly, they aren't ready. They just found each other again in June and only got back together in late October. They don't completely know each other. They still have to learn all the things they missed in those eight years.

I think that, just like in the show, if they got married right now, they'd fall apart. They aren't ready for something like that no matter how much we all want them to be. Kids don't really factor into this equation yet either.

Don't think that I'm going to tear Meredith and Derek apart or anything because I'm not. This entire Christmas thing was about them growing up, really all of the characters growing up in their own ways. I haven't completely gotten into George or Callie's growth, but I've touched on the rest of the characters.

Even though Cristina may joke that she hates kids, she went upstairs to put her kids to sleep and stayed with them for over thirty minutes and Burke was right by her side. She's created that family that she never really could admit to wanting. And Alex, he really cares about Izzie and he takes care of her. She's due in February and soon he's going to have a child to take care of as well. It's important that he is able to do that and the place that he's headed allows him to do that.

And Meredith and Derek have moved past that break up and get back together only for sex thing that they tend to do. Now they're together, even if they're still learning how to be together. (I doubt you all got that from my updates, but I hope you did and I hope that you guys enjoyed the updates and keep reading the rest of the story!)


	22. Chapter 22: Forever

**Chapter 22: Forever**

_**Take back the holly and mistletoe  
**__**Silver bells on string**_

Callie walked up to Meredith who had yet to move from her spot in the foyer. "We're going to get going," she said quietly, hoping to not startle Meredith.

Meredith looked over at Callie who was slipping into her leather jacket, George only a few feet behind her, "Yeah, okay," she answered, trying to not sound as distant as she felt, but failing miserably.

"I think Cristina and Burke are staying upstairs," George said as he walked over to Meredith. He gave her a quick hug before joining hands with Callie, "Merry Christmas, Mer."

"We're heading out too," Alex said as he joined them in the foyer, his arm supporting a drowsy Izzie.

"Best Christmas yet, Mer," Izzie said, still trying to be cheerful.

Meredith smiled as they both hugged her and George and Callie made their way out into the cold. "Alex?"

Before he could leave, her turned around and looked at Meredith's tense expression, "Yeah?"

"How bad is he?"

"You didn't do anything Mer. He's just afraid of someone else sweeping you off your feet." Meredith nodded, trying to convince herself that Alex was right. "We'll see you tomorrow."

Meredith watched as her house emptied and then silence filled. She was almost positive that Cristina and Burke were asleep with their family upstairs. She sighed and made her way to the kitchen, hoping Derek wasn't going to be as upset as she was expecting him to be.

_**If I wrote a letter to Santa Claus  
I would ask for just one thing**_

Derek looked up when he heard her soft footsteps against the hard wood floor. Before their eyes met, he glanced back down at his kitchen table.

Meredith paused in the doorway, trying not to be hurt at the way he wouldn't even look at her. She finally stepped towards him, deciding the best way to do this.

She stopped inches in front of him, his eyes still glued to the crumbled cookie in front of him. She placed the envelope on the table and waited for him to move. When he didn't acknowledge her or the envelope, she turned around and walked out of the kitchen.

She headed into their bedroom and slipped into one of Derek's tee shirts and a pair of plaid pajama pants. She worked in automatic, trying to ignore Derek's sudden change of mood. She walked into the living room and curled into the couch, wrapping her favorite blanket around her slim body as she watched the fire crackle before her.

_**I don't need sleigh rides in the snow  
Don't want a Christmas that's blue**_

Meredith could sense his presence after a few minutes. Her body and head were lying gently against the couch, mesmerized by the fire. She didn't look up at him or even move. "I don't feel guilty," she said simply, "I didn't invite him here."

Derek sighed and walked closer to her, "I know."

"You have no right to be mad at me," she continued, this time allowing her eyes to take the sight of him in.

He smiled slightly at her and kneeled in front of her, "I know," he said again. "I'm not mad."

Meredith let out a sarcastic laugh as she rolled her eyes away from his, "You suck at hiding your emotions."

"Meredith," he pleaded slightly with his voice as his hand caressed her cheek, bringing her eyes back to him, "The thirty-nine years I lived without knowing you existed, I never experienced jealousy. The day I met you, that emotion has becoming permanently part of me whenever another guy is around you."

"You can't get mad every time a man looks at me," she answered, trying her hardest to remain tough and not fall for his charm.

"I know," he answered with a small smile.

"Care you to clue me in on what you're smiling at?" Meredith asked.

Derek handed her the envelope that she had placed in front of him a few minutes ago, "And you were joking me about having a picture of us hidden with me all these years."

Meredith looked down at the picture of them again before looking back up at Derek's smirking face, "Shut up."

"Only if you move over," Derek said as he stood up and took over the rest of the couch, pulling her into his arms and listening to her giggles the entire time.

_**Take back the tinsel, stockings, and bows**_

A silence resurfaced in the house as Meredith snuggled close to the most important thing in her life, relishing in the warmth of his body. He ran his hands through her hair, millions of thoughts running through his mind. He still wasn't sure how he deserved this, but he couldn't think of his life being any other way.

Meredith looked up at Derek and could tell his mind was somewhere else. Almost instantly his eyes changed and focused on her beautiful face. He kissed her gently, promising to both of them that he'd never let her go.

"See, we're going to make it," he whispered to her as she rested her head on his chest again. "We're going to last forever."

_**Cause all I want for Christmas is you**_


	23. Chapter 23: Taking Care

**Chapter 23: Taking Care **

**Friday January 18, 2013**

Meredith walked into the locker room, surprised by the silence. She saw most of her friends standing near the closed bathroom door. Meredith made her way to Cristina. "Okay, what are we staring at?"

"We're waiting for Barbie."

Meredith's eyes moved from Alex to George and then back to Cristina, "Why?"

"Because she's fat and pregnant," she answered bitterly before turning away and going back to her locker.

"She shouldn't even be working anymore," Meredith said more to Alex, choosing to ignore Cristina's comment.

"She won't listen to me," Alex answered, "I told her that Derek would give her time off. She won't listen to me."

"Well, what's wrong with her that we're all standing here?" Meredith asked.

Cristina walked back over as she tied her hair up, "Because she thinks she's fat."

"Seriously?" Meredith asked, slightly annoyed.

"Yeah," Cristina answered with a small laugh, "She's what? Thirty-four weeks along? You'd think she would have noticed that she was fat about twenty weeks ago."

"It's not like that, Cristina!"

All of their heads turned to the bathroom at Izzie's yell that was mixed with tears. Meredith walked over to the door and tired to open it, but it wouldn't turn. Meredith sighed and placed her head against the wooden door, "Izzie? Do you, do you want someone to talk to?"

"No!" she cried from the other side, "I don't want to talk to Ms. I-can-eat-anything-and-still-be-a-size-zero!"

Meredith looked at Alex and George who both gave her desperate looks. Apparently they both had already gone through hours of this. "Izzie, I promise you, if I was pregnant I would not be a size zero."

"No, you'd be a one! Whoopidy-freakin-do-da! You'd be _soo_ fat!" Izzie sarcastically cried.

"Izzie, it's normal. You know that. It's normal," Meredith continued, trying to not just tell Izzie to shut the hell up like Cristina probably already has multiple times.

"No, no it's not!" Izzie cried, trying not to hyperventilate, "This is too much. I'm gaining too much weight. This isn't supposed to happen like this!"

"Izzie," Alex said, stepping closer to the door. His voice was gentle and caring. It actually shocked everyone else slightly, "You're still beautiful. You've always been beautiful. In a few weeks our little girl will be born and then you can lose the weight."

"Shut up, Alex," Izzie spat out. Cristina laughed a little to herself before leaving. Apparently she found surgery much more important. "You have to say that! You have to say that I'm beautiful. You're my husband!"

"You are beautiful," George stepped in, hoping that another male's perspective would help.

"You shut up too, George! You have to say that too. You're _George_!" Izzie spat out again before crying harder.

Meredith looked back at her friends. Alex looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and George; well he just looked like George. "I think you guys should go. I'll stay here with Izzie." George turned to leave, but Alex didn't move. "Seriously Alex. I'll get you if she needs anything."

Alex was about to protest, but the sounds of Izzie throwing up tore them both away from their conversation. They waited once the silence returned, both unsure of what to think. "And the morning sickness! That's supposed to go away! It did go away! Now it's back! That's not fair!"

"Seriously, Alex," Meredith said again once Izzie had resumed her crying, "Let me deal with this."

"Fine," Alex said giving in, "Just take care of her." Meredith nodded and waited as Alex made his way out of the locker room.

"Izzie? Izzie, can you please let me in?" Meredith asked quietly, trying to not upset Izzie anymore than she already was.

There was only silence in the room until Meredith heard a small click off the lock on the door. Meredith thought Izzie was going to come out, but when a few moments passed, she opened the door and stepped into the bathroom.

Izzie was sitting on the floor, her back against the wall next to the toilet. Her hair was a mess, sticking to her teary face. Her scrubs barely fit her and her eyes showed nothing other than fatigue.

Meredith wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. Izzie wasn't supposed to be the one who was a mess, leaning over the toilet throwing up. That was Meredith; Meredith after a bad Derek experience that led her to too much tequila. Izzie was always happy and collected; she actually ended up being the one taking care of Meredith. That led Meredith to her plan; do what Izzie used to do for her.

Meredith began to walk over to Izzie, but Izzie immediately turn to the toilet and emptied the last remaining contents of her stomach. Meredith rushed to her side, holding back her hair and trying her best to soothe one the women who had become a sister to her after all these years.

When Izzie's stomach finally relaxed, she weakly flushed the toilet and leaned against the wall again. She looked up at Meredith with a look that only portrayed anguish and exhaustion. Meredith handed her a few paper towels to wipe her face and quickly grabbed a water bottle from her locker to get the taste out of Izzie's mouth.

Once she was convinced that she had went through the steps Izzie usually did, she sat down next to her friend in the bathroom. She looked over at Izzie and offered her a small smile, "Iz, do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"This isn't healthy," she said carefully, her eyes focused straight ahead.

Meredith gently rubbed Izzie's arm in an attempt to comfort her before continuing, "Pregnancy is hard, Izzie."

"I know," Izzie said sharply, turning to Meredith, "This isn't my first."

"What?"

The small amount of anger that had consumed Izzie's face disappeared as she leaned against the wall again, her eyes refusing to focus on anything. "When I was sixteen, I got pregnant. I put her up for adoption."

Well, to say the least, that completely threw all hopes of Meredith getting this comfort thing right out the window. She had no idea how to respond to that. It was nothing like she'd been expecting. She thought she was just going to be dealing with a hormonal pregnant woman that once was her friend Izzie.

"Okay, Mer, please say something. This is why I don't tell people. They don't say anything or they look at me differently or their perception-"

"Izzie," Meredith said, ending her friend's pointless rambling. "You're talking to the girl who has made every mistake on this planet other than getting pregnant at sixteen. I'm not going to look at you differently and my perception of you isn't going to change. You're still Isobel Karev. You're still my friend."

Izzie let a smile grace her lips, "Thanks, Mer."

"It's nothing," Meredith answered before handing Izzie the near empty water bottle again. Izzie took another drink of it and then set it down on the ground.

"This is different Meredith," Izzie said evenly, "The morning sickness. I only had it for about a month. It was mild and then it went away. It shouldn't just come back during the eighth month."

"Iz-"

"And my weight," she continued, once again not looking at Meredith, "Five pounds in one week. That's not right either."

"Izzie, we don't know that," Meredith said soothingly, "Every pregnancy is different."

"I don't care," Izzie answered forcefully, "I'm a neonatal surgeon. I know what I'm talking about. This is not normal."

Meredith sighed. She knew fighting with her wasn't going to do anything. Instead, she stood up and looked down at Izzie. "If you think there is something wrong, then I believe you. Maternal instincts. They are much more reliable than any textbook."

Izzie looked up at Meredith, slightly surprised by what she was saying. "If you think there is something wrong, then go home and get some rest. Derek can put you on leave and give Alex the day off to spend with you. I'll make sure an appointment is made for you. If there is something wrong, we'll figure it out, okay?" Meredith held her hand out to Izzie, who hesitated before taking it. She pulled Izzie up and led her back into the locker room.

Meredith got changed into her scrubs for the day and Izzie got changed into her regular clothes to go home. "You ready, Iz?" Meredith asked before heading to the door.

"Thanks, Meredith," Izzie said sincerely before moving closer to the door.

Meredith smiled at her, "I owe you for the many times you held back my hair over the years."

"Still," Izzie said as she made her way over to Meredith, "I really needed that."

"That's what friends are for," Meredith answered.

"You're going to make a great mother one day, Meredith," Izzie said before opening the door to the rest of the hospital.

"I just did what you've always done," she replied before following her friend out the door. Izzie only smiled in response, she wasn't sure Meredith would ever understand what those words really meant for her.


	24. Chapter 24: Attitude

**Chapter 24: Attitude**

Meredith knocked gently on Derek's office door before slipping in and closing the door behind her. She walked over at Derek who looked up at her before closing out of the program on his computer and sitting back in the chair.

"How's your day going?" Meredith asked as she walked over to his side of the desk and propped herself on the mahogany wood in front of him.

"Fine," he answered.

She looked at him for a moment, a little surprised by the lack of enthusiasm in his voice. "Are you okay, Derek?"

"Yes, I'm fine," he answered as he stood up, "I have surgery."

"Wait," Meredith said as she stood up as well, there bodies barely apart, "I have to talk to you."

"About what?" Derek asked as he left their close proximity without touching her in the slightest to shift through a few files on his desk.

"Izzie," Meredith sighed, "She's not feeling well at all."

Derek nodded at her as he finally found whatever he'd been looking for and pulled the manila folder out of the pile, "And I need to know because?"

"Well," Meredith began as she walked closer to him, "She's thirty-four months along. She really shouldn't be working like a surgeon and with the way she was feeling today, I don't think she should be working at all."

"Has she seen her OB/GYN?" Derek asked, not even looking up at Meredith as she examined the papers in the folder.

"She has an appointment scheduled tomorrow," Meredith said dully, slightly disappointed in Derek's insensitivity, "I sent her home."

Derek looked up at her, "You sent her home?"

"You were going to anyways. There was no point in having her wait around while I came to find you," Meredith explained. "But that wasn't really what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Then why did you bring it up?" Derek asked, his eyes back down on the papers before him.

Meredith strained herself to reframe from remarking on his attitude that was currently agitating her. "Because, she can't take care of herself in the position she is in. Alex needs to go home as well. Her body is extremely weak, she has a massive headache and she's throwing up."

"So, you sent a pregnant woman who was presenting with relatively bad symptoms home from the hospital instead of getting her checked out?" Derek asked, letting his criticism of her actions be easily known.

"It could be nothing," she said feeling as though she had to defend herself, "We both know that. If she's still feeling the same way tomorrow than her doctor can figure out what is going on. She just needs rest. That is why I want you to clear Alex for today."

"Whatever," Derek mumbled as he dropped the folder on the top of the stack, seemingly unsatisfied by its contents.

"Okay, what's wrong with you?" Meredith asked bluntly, feeling Derek's attitude take over her, "We left home less than two hours ago and you were all bright and shinny. Now you're pissed off and moody. What the hell is your problem?"

"Nothing," he said quickly as he grabbed another folder.

"Stop," Meredith said grabbing the folder from his hands and putting it down on the desk, "Talk to me. Don't distract yourself with work. Tell me what is going on."

"Why don't you tell me? You seem to know enough to approve things that an attending shouldn't be," Derek said quickly.

"Excuse you?"

Derek's phone rang and he quickly grabbed it out of his lab coat pocket. He looked at the caller id before raising his eyes to Meredith's fuming gaze, "I've got to take this," he said as he turned around and walked out.

"Derek!" she yelled after him, but he didn't look back.


	25. Chapter 25: Avoider?

**Chapter 25: Avoider?**

"I'm heading to Joe's. You coming?" Cristina asked as she pulled her leather jacket on, flipping her hair out from under it.

"Uhh… no," Meredith said as she closed her locker.

"What?" Cristina asked, not expecting her to decline.

Meredith wrapped her purse around her shoulder before turning to Cristina, "I have to go home," she said, obviously not happy about it.

"Okay, what's wrong with you?"

"Something's wrong with Derek," Meredith said as they left the locker room, "I haven't seen him since this morning when he snapped at me in his office. Derek doesn't snap like that. Not at me."

"And you're going home because??" Cristina asked as they reached the elevator.

Meredith hit the elevator button, "Because, he's Derek."

"There's a problem in fairytale land," Cristina remarked slightly happy about her friend's discontent.

"Derek is not a problem," she answered quickly as they both stepped onto the empty elevator.

"Derek's always the problem."

"He isn't a problem."

"Keep telling yourself that, Mer," Cristina said, enjoying the situation.

Meredith shook her head, "I just have to figure out what's going on."

"Wait a second," Cristina said as she turned to look at Meredith, "You're an avoider. You avoid. If something was wrong with you and Derek, you go to Joe's and get drunk off of tequila and sleep with inappropriate men. It's your thing."

"It's not my thing."

"It's your thing."

"It's not- okay, it was my thing," Meredith confessed.

"It's still your thing."

"No it's not. Because I love Derek and he's my fiancé. Which, I know, doesn't seem like much coming from me, but I love him. As in, I want to actually marry him and have kids and get all old and wrinkly and still love him. I can't go get drunk and sleep with inappropriate men," Meredith rambled.

"So… you're going home to actually work out your problems?" Cristina said, a look of confused disbelief crossing her face.

"Yes," Meredith said convincingly as she nodded her head.

The elevator doors opened and they both stepped out. "You're actually doing this?" Cristina asked again.

"Yes, I have to. He's Derek and I love him," Meredith repeated.

Cristina just shook her head as they headed to their cars. "I miss philandering whore Meredith."


	26. Chapter 26: Feeling Lost

**Chapter 27: Feeling Lost**

Meredith stepped into her house and placed her bag down on the couch. The whole house was eerily quiet and there weren't any lights on that she could see. She began to walk to their bedroom when she noticed the door to their office left ajar.

She quietly made her way across the foyer and gently opened the door. The only sources of light in the room were the blue computer screen and the soft glows from the few lights outside.

Derek was sitting on the small couch against the far wall. He was bent over and his head was in his hands. He looked as though he had been there for hours and it broke her heart, all of her anger completely melting away.

She leaned against the doorframe and watched him, unsure if he hadn't noticed her or didn't want to acknowledge her. She had made a point to stay away from him ever since he snapped at her that morning, but now she wished she would have been there for him.

She carefully walked over to him and sat down next to him, placing her hand on his thigh. He looked up at her and she could tell that his eyes were wet. She raised her hand to his face to wipe the few tears away before running her fingers through his hair.

"Derek-"

"I don't want to talk about it," he mumbled as he placed his head back into his hands, interrupting her gentle whisper.

She pulled away from him and leaned against the back of the couch in the dark. "You were rude," she began as she crossed her arms against her chest, "You were rude to me and then you yelled at me for no reason. Now you won't even talk to me."

"It's not that I don't want to talk to you," Derek said carefully, "I just don't want to talk about it."

"This morning you were just fine," she said annoyed as she got off the couch and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Meredith made her way into the kitchen and opened the fridge. She had her heart set on cold pizza, but as she looked into the fridge, she remembered whom she lived with. She gave up on finding anything remotely unhealthy to eat and ended up just throwing herself on the couch.

She began to surf through the channels, but her eyes kept venturing towards the closed door. She had expected Derek to come out by now. Even if he wasn't going to talk to her, she at least expected him to want food or a bed. It was strange for him to just sit in the dark for hours on end.

Then she realized something. He had been crying. As in, actually crying. Something that was totally and completely un-Derek. Derek didn't cry. Well, not often at least. He was strong, even when he didn't need to be. He didn't break down and he didn't show his weakness like that.

She knew he cried when he almost lost her, but that's the only time she could remember him actually crying. That meant that it was something big, something that probably excused him from snapping at her.

The phone rang, completely ripping Meredith out of her thoughts. She waited a few seconds, her eyes still completely glued to the dark room that was just beyond the door. When the phone rang again, she forced herself into the kitchen to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Meredith? Hi! It's Nina."

The voice was distant and a little hard to understand, but she could recognize the voice easily. Her confusion and anger dropped and a small smile found it's way to her face, "Hey, Nina. How have you been?"

"I've been all right," she answered.

Meredith may have only met Derek's sisters once, but she bonded with them quickly. She could tell that Nina's usually confident and decisive demeanor had slipped with that uneasy answer. Something was off.

"How has my brother been treating you?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Everything has been wonderful," Meredith answered, "Well, until today."

There was a long pause and at first, Meredith began to think that they got disconnected. She was about to check if Nina was still there, but instead Nina spoke up again, "What happened today?"

Once again, her voice was different. She was hesitant. "He… We just had a little bit of an argument," Meredith said, not sure how much Derek usually let his sister's now about his life, "I'm not even sure what it was about exactly. It was unexpected, but we'll figure it out."

"Yeah, you will," Nina answered. "Is he there? Or is he at the hospital? I tried his cell a few times, but no one answered." She spoke quickly, coming dangerously close to Meredith's own rambling techniques. Her wavering demeanor continued to confuse Meredith and raise a million questions that she silenced.

"He's here, but he's not really himself," Meredith said as she began to walk to the office, "I'm not sure if he wants to talk to anyone."

"Could you check?"

Normally, Meredith would have just said no and let Derek work out whatever internal battle he was dealing with, but the desperation in Nina's voice made her think otherwise. "Sure," she answered, "Hold on."

She pulled the phone away from her ear as she gently pushed the door open. Derek hadn't gotten up and his defeated position hadn't changed. It hurt her to see him like this, just as much as before. Especially since all of the anger she had held the first time was now coated with layers of confusion, concern, and an overwhelming desire to pull him into her arms and never let him go.

"Derek? Nina is on the phone," she said quietly, "If you don't want to talk, I can tell her to call back later."

She waited for a response, knowing that Derek was busy waging his own war and probably barely registering a thing she said. He finally looked up at her and nodded, his tears still clinging to his face.

She hesitantly walked into the room and gave him the phone. The small voice he managed to find was heartbreaking and his expressions told her that he needed privacy. She turned to leave the room and closed the door behind her, feeling even more lost than before.

* * *

About an hour had passed before Meredith made her way into their bedroom. Their large house had never felt so empty. Derek had yet to leave the library and she wasn't sure if he was still on the phone with Nina or not.

As she pulled back the deep red comforter, she realized how seldom she went to sleep along anymore. If she did, it was because Derek was at the hospital and she usually knew exactly how many hours she had left until he'd be home to wrap his arms around her. Tonight was completely different. He was only a matter of rooms away from her, but it felt like he was in a different universe.

She turned off the light and got into bed, snuggling close to the soft blanket, almost wishing to get lost in it. She knew that this happiness thing was going to be short lived. It always was for her. She was actually surprised that it had lasted this long. She should have expected this; it was bound to happen.

As she quieted her thoughts and slowly drifted off to sleep, the door opening waked her. She didn't move or give any signal that she was awake and just waited. Derek hadn't moved since he opened the door and she felt like he was staring at her. More than ever, she'd kill to know what was going through his mind.

When he finally did move, he shuffled into the room and removed his shirt and pants. He finally walked over to the bed and pulled down his side of the comforter, wearing only his boxers. As he began to get into bed, he noticed Meredith's eyes staring up at him. He got comfortable in bed before meeting her gaze, his eyes telling her absolutely nothing. Her eyes, however, told him a million things. He could read through the confusion, hurt and pain.

He sighed and pulled her into his arms, holding her close as they adjusted for sleep. When they were comfortable and the silence resumed, Meredith could see the exhaustion in his face. She bit her lip to keep her from saying anything at first, but eventually gave in when he opened his eyes again and met hers.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she whispered carefully.

He shook his head, "Not now," he said carefully, burying his face in her hair.

"Okay," she answered, "I love you, Derek."

"I love you too," he whispered, "I love you so much."


	27. Chapter 27: Together

**Chapter 27: Together**

Derek opened his eyes, immediately rubbing his hands over his eyes. He sighed at first, trying to ignore the memories of the day before. Alcohol. He should have tried alcohol. It would have kept him sleeping longer.

He finally looked over at the clock and did a double take when he saw that it was ten o'clock in the afternoon. He shot up in bed, freaking out internally. He saw the fireplace in their bedroom on, Meredith sitting in their comfortable brown leather chair only feet away from the warmth. She was wrapped in a deep purple robe, holding onto a mug of coffee with both her hands.

Derek lost his train of thought as he looked at her. They'd been so busy with getting the house set up and working; he hadn't just sat back and watched her in a really long time. She was beautiful.

"What are you doing?" she asked quietly, a giggle hiding in her voice.

He smiled at her laugh. It was one of his favorite things about her. As he began to get out of bed, he noticed the clock again, ending his momentary serenity. "Meredith, I had surgery at 6 and you had one at 8. We've got to get to the hospital!" He said as he hurried over to the closet, trying to get ready quickly.

"Derek," Meredith said calmly, knowing that he wasn't even going to hear her. He was in Derek-freak-out mode, not to mention that his mind was still preoccupied with whatever had been going on the day before. "Derek," she said again, a little louder this time.

"What are you doing? Get dressed! Our surgeries have already been passed off, but we still have the rest of our shifts to do," Derek said as he threw some scrubs at Meredith.

She looked at him strangely as the blue material landed on her lap. "Okay, I'm not putting those on."

"What do you mean you aren't putting them on?" Derek asked as he began to pull on his own scrubs.

"Derek, stop getting dressed." Meredith had to admit, he was kind of cute when he was freaking out. It seemed like they were switching roles. She was the one who was dark and twisty and freaked out all the time, but not today. Today, Derek was borderline crazy.

She stood up and walked over to where he was standing at his dresser, searching for a pair of matching socks. She placed her cup of coffee on to the dresser, making her presence behind him. She gently wrapped her arms around him waist and laid her head against the back of his shoulder.

His body relaxed, and she felt him take a deep breath. His head fell and she knew that it was the first time he had really thought about whatever was going on. "What are you doing, Mer?"

"I'm relaxing," she said gently as she turned him around to face her, "I'm relaxing and you're relaxing."

"We have jobs," he stated, "I have a hospital to run."

Meredith let go of his waist and slowly began to walk backwards away from him towards the bed. "Yes, we have jobs."

"Then why are we not going to work?" Derek asked as he took steps to follow her.

"I called in. I called your secretary and cleared out schedules," she answered as she climbed back into bed. She saw his expression change and she rolled her eyes, "You're not getting any, so stop looking at me like that."

Derek's face fell, "You called in, you're barely wearing that robe, and you're lying in my bed. How else do you want me to look at you?"

"I don't want you to look at me," she said as Derek took the last few steps to the bed and laid down against the seats. She moved close to him, sitting up slightly as she began to run her hands through his hair, "I want you to lie here with me all day until you decide you can talk."

Derek looked up at her, smiling at her slightly, "I can't tell you right now."

"I know," she answered, "But I'll be here when you can."

"Okay," Derek said.

"Okay," she answered before leaning down and kissing him slightly, pulling away quickly. "That's all your getting," she teased as she noticed his fake hurt expression.

Derek laughed as he pulled her body against his and held her close. "Thank you, Meredith," he whispered before kissing her gently on the forehead.

* * *

Meredith opened her eyes, realizing that she was still wrapped tightly in Derek's arms. She shifted slightly and heard her pager going off, discovering the source of the intrusion on her dreams.

She sighed and surreptitiously removed Derek's arms from around her, allowing her to scoot off the bed. Derek mumbled something under his breath and rolled over, but thankfully didn't wake up.

Meredith held her robe tightly around her body and crept over to her purse, searching for her pager. She found it and saw something about Izzie. Meredith then remembered Izzie's appointment that day.

"What are you doing?"

Meredith turned around and a guilty look crossed her face.

"You thought you could sneak away?" Derek asked, slight grin crossing his face as he sat up, "Seriously, what are you doing?"

"Uhh, my pager," Meredith said, standing up straight, "My pager went off."

"I though you cleared us for the day," Derek said as he got over to the bed and made his way over to her.

"I did, it's just… it's Izzie. She had her appointment today and I told her to call me if anything was wrong," Meredith explained, her mind finally realizing what this page meant.

Derek crossed the room and reached her, placing his arms on her own, "It could be nothing. She could just be trying to tell you that everything's fine. You know, ease your mind."

Meredith nodded, at first trying to believe him, but then her pager went off again. "Or something could be wrong," she said, her eyes pleading her him to let her go.

Derek sighed, "Okay, go to the hospital and see her." His voice was encouraging, actually telling her to go, but his eyes were begging her to stay and they both knew it.

She hesitated momentarily, knowing Derek needed her, but then again, he'd had here for hours and never said a word. He hadn't tried to talk and sleeping wasn't going to help him. Izzie on the other hand, would tell her what was wrong, and give her an opportunity to help.

Meredith sighed before kissing Derek lightly on the lips, "I'll be home really soon, okay? Just go back to sleep or relax or something. I'll come home, cook dinner, and then we can talk," she said as she made her way over to her closet and searched for something to wear.

Derek nodded and turned back towards the bed before stopping in his tracks. "Wait a second."

"What?" Meredith said cautiously, almost thinking he was about to blow up at her.

"You're going to cook?" he asked, his eyebrow raised slightly.

Meredith rolled her eyes at him before pulling on a sweater, "Fine, I'll get take-out. Either way, you get fed, so shut up and be happy."

Derek let out a small laugh and waited until she was dressed to kiss her again, "Be back as soon as possible?" he asked, still holding her in his arms.

"I promise," she said, leaning up to give him one more kiss before pulling away from him a hurrying out the door.

It was a little amazing the way they were. Life was crazy, life was hectic. Life was short. Things were chaotic and disastrous, but when they were in each other's arms, when they were together, that didn't matter. Reality reached them when they were apart.


	28. Chapter 28: Crashing Down

**Sorry about the lack in updates! Life has been hectic with friends and school and AP tests. Not to mention I hurt my wrist, which kept me off the computer for a while. Well, just in case you didn't get the foreshadowing at the end of the last chapter, the road this story is on is about to get bumpy, so get ready!

* * *

**

**Chapter 28: Crashing Down**

As Meredith got out of her car, she noticed George hurrying into the hospital. She ran to catch up with him, stopping him in front of the doors, "Do you know what's going on?" she asked quickly.

"Izzie's been admitted to the hospital," George said calmly before pushing past Meredith and hurrying into the hospital. Meredith followed after him and they got onto the elevator quickly. George didn't say a word or look at anything other than the ceiling.

When the elevator doors opened, Meredith saw Alex pacing around in circles. Her heart began to beat rapidly as she hurried over to him, "Alex, what's going on?"

"I can't do this," Alex mumbled as he stared at the ground, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. He was completely oblivious to Meredith or George's presence. He kept circling and mumbling.

George pushed past him to go into the room, but the door opened instead and Dr. Bailey came out. "Stop," she said quickly, "You two aren't going in there."

"But-"

"No," Dr. Bailey said quickly, "Alex, get in there with your wife. This isn't about you, so you don't get to freak out. Izzie gets to freak out. You get to be strong. Now go in there and be strong."

Alex just nodded. He didn't offer any sarcastic or snide remarks. He just walked in to the room. Meredith and George tried to look in, but Dr. Bailey stood in their way and closed the door. "Give them some time," she said calmly.

"What's going on? Is Izzie okay? Is the baby okay? I sent her home yesterday because I thought she'd be fine. If she's not fine then it's my fault. Please tell me that she's fine," Meredith rambled quickly, not even caring that she was talking to her superior. She wasn't a doctor right now.

"Izzie is undergoing a biophysical profile and a nonstress test right now. They're monitoring her blood pressure and doing other tests. They're going to do a sonogram soon," Bailey explained calmly.

"Tests? What are they testing for?" George demanded quickly, in a very unGeorge way.

"We believe Izzie may have a condition called preeclampsia," Bailey said carefully. She knew neither of them where OB/GYNs and that their minds were not working scientifically right now so she continued, "It could be decreasing blood flow to her organs, like the brain, kidneys, liver, and also the uterus. We're confirming it with the tests, but if we're right than it's most likely very severe. She's presented with most of the symptoms."

"What about the baby?" Meredith asked quickly. This was her fault. She could have given Izzie more time to deal with this if she wouldn't have sent her home. If she hadn't have been worried about Derek, she could have checked on Izzie and brought her in sooner. "Is the baby okay?"

"We don't know right now," Bailey said carefully, hoping to not freak them out. "We'll tell you guys what we know when we know it."

Meredith just nodded as George fell into a chair at the nurse's station across the hall. Bailey looked at them for a moment before stepping away, deciding that she should let them deal with this.


	29. Chapter 29: Wishing

**Chapter 29: Wishing**

Derek turned off the light in the kitchen and walked into the living room, his take-out containers in hand. Technically, Meredith was supposed to be getting the take-out. Technically, Meredith was supposed to be actually home. But she's not.

He was actually ready to talk now. He wasn't even sure why he wasn't ready to talk before; he just didn't want her to get hurt. He was a grown man and he was falling apart. He didn't want to see her cry and he knew that was exactly what would happen the second she found out.

Derek deposited himself on the couch and flipped on the television as he stretched his legs out, and propped them up on the coffee table to enjoy his dinner in his lap. He felt like some single guy or something. He was engaged. He shouldn't be eating take-out alone in his living room.

His eyes glanced at the phone sitting on the side table. He almost picked it up, but he had already called her about twenty times. It was near eight o'clock and she had yet to respond. Something could have happened. Something seriously bad could have happened.

Derek had two basic options here. He could sit here and sulk in his loneliness, waiting for her to come home or he could freak out and worry why she wasn't home. He decided to choose the first one; after all, if something had happened to Meredith, she would have been taken to the hospital. Then Derek would have been called. So there was absolutely no reason to worry.

There was some stupid medical drama on television, one that just so happened to do nothing medically correct or hold his attention in any way, but he didn't turn the television off. He just continued to stare at the televison.

Until the phone rang.

In fact, Derek jumped up, not caring that he dropped some lobster sauce from his Japanese dinner on the carpet. He grabbed the phone and glanced at the caller id: Patrick, Samuel.

That made Derek freeze.

He looked at the caller id from a moment as if it was going to do a trick until the phone rang again in his hand. As he walked over to the couch, he turned the television off and pressed the 'talk' button on the phone. He slowly raised the hand set to his ear, wishing that Meredith were sitting right beside him.

* * *

When Meredith finally pulled the door shut behind her, she was ready to collapse right then and there in the foyer. She pulled off her jacket and shoes, dropping them off in the hall closet on her way to the living room.

She found the television on, the song scarcely audible and the lights out. Derek was lying across the couch and a blanket barely draped across him. Take-out containers were on the coffee table with a few empty beers and the phone accompanying them.

As Meredith walked over to him, she leaned down next to him, her hand running up his strong back. He looked up at her and she smiled down on him. "Sorry," she said quietly.

"It's okay," he answered as he scooted over on the couch and lifted the blanket up, pulling Meredith down on the couch. He pulled her into his arms and covered them with the blanket.

"Mer…"

"We don't have to talk about anything tonight," she said quietly as she stared into his eyes, their noses inches from touching.

"Meredith."

"Please," she said quietly as she shut her eyes and cuddled closer to Derek, "Let's just deal with life tomorrow."

Derek sighed as he frowned down on Meredith's closed eyes. "Okay," he whispered as he kissed her forehead. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair, wishing that sleep would actually come.


	30. Chapter 30: Sick

**Chapter 30: Sick**

As the sunlight peered through the living room windows, Derek slowly opened his eyes. At first he was confused, seeing as he wasn't in his bedroom, but as last night came back to mind he began to wonder where Meredith had gone.

He got up from the couch and began to clean up the coffee table that was currently cluttered with the remains of his dinner from the night before. As he crossed into the kitchen, something on the counter caught his eye. It was the print out from the two plane tickets he'd bought last night after getting off the phone with Sam. He had been planning on telling Meredith about it and asking her to come with him.

The coffee pot had been turned on and there was one less muffin than there was before, so she'd obviously been in the kitchen this morning, but that didn't mean she'd seen the tickets.

Curious, Derek went into their bedroom, their library, and basically the rest of the house wandering if she was there. Her car was still in the driveway next to his, but she was nowhere to be found. He finally looked out back on their deck, but to no avail.

He began to worry a little, so he called her cell phone and the hospital. She hadn't been called in and her cell phone was off. He tried Cristina's cell and home as well, but he didn't receive an answer. He finally got a hold of Burke, but all he knew was that Cristina picked Meredith up this morning. He didn't know where they were going or why. And strangely, Meredith hadn't woken him up or left a note. She always leaves notes.

Derek glanced back at his ticket on the kitchen island and decided to go pack. Meredith was somewhere, but he'd catch her before it was time to leave. He'd have to, because he had to leave. Even if Meredith wasn't with him.

* * *

So, it had only been about nine hours since he heard from his fiancé. Not to mention that it was about two hours until he needed to be on his airplane for the late flight. No one had heard from Cristina either. They were obviously up to something together.

As Derek lost himself in thought, the doorbell rang and caught his attention. He went to his door and was surprised to see George standing in the doorway, wet from the rain. He instantly let him in and offered him a towel, coffee, anything.

"No, I'm fine," George answered, as if he wasn't soaking wet.

Derek just led him into the kitchen and poured him a cup of coffee anyways. He couldn't just sit there and watch him freeze to death. "Are you looking for Meredith?"

"Yes," George answered, taking a sip of the coffee he had previously declined, "I figured she was at the hospital with Izzie-"

"Izzie? Was Izzie admitted?" Derek asked, interrupting George.

"Yeah," he answered sadly, "Preeclampsia. It's pretty bad. They might have to deliver the baby early. You didn't know?"

"No, Meredith didn't want to talk when she got home last night," Derek said, his thoughts far from the conversation with George.

"Is she here?" George asked.

"No," Derek answered, trying to bring himself back to reality, "I woke up and she was gone. I haven't heard from her all day. Burke said Cristina picked her up this morning, but neither have their cell phones on or have called."

George nodded as he continued to drink his coffee, "Have you heard from Alex?"

"No. Shouldn't he be at the hospital with Izzie?" Derek asked.

"He should be, but he isn't," George answered.

"So, my fiancé, Cristina, and Alex are all missing, and I have to catch a flight to Southern California in two hours. Well, today has been great, hasn't it?" Derek asked sarcastically.

"A flight?" George asked confused, "Why? Where are you going?"

Derek opened his mouth to explain when they both heard the front door open and slam shut. Without a word, Derek turned down the hall and saw Meredith shaking off her wet umbrella and pulling off her jacket.

"Where have you been?!" Derek asked, in a harsher tone than he had originally planned on.

"I was with Cristina. We were looking for Alex," Meredith explained, angered by Derek's voice.

"Since when is it your job to baby-sit Alex?!"

"Stop yelling at me!" Meredith yelled at Derek, making him physically take a step back and cool down, "I'm aloud to do things without your permission."

Meredith pulled off her shoes and walked into their bedroom, Derek following her the entire way. Derek gained a calmer demeanor and then decided to continue, "I've been worried sick about you."

"You could have just called me." Meredith said irritably, obviously not over Derek's initial reaction.

"I did," Derek said as he followed her pacing throughout the room. She looked as though she was looking for something, but Derek couldn't figure out what it was exactly, "I called you about a million times. Your cell phone was off."

"Oh," Meredith said innocently, "I didn't know."

"Meredith, you need to pack," Derek said abruptly, making Meredith freeze and end her search.

She turned on her heel carefully, her eyes leveling with Derek's, "What?"

"We need to leave," Derek continued, "Or at least I do. You don't have to come if you don't want to."

"Derek? What are you talking about?" Meredith asked, her accusatory tone falling and being replaced with concern.

Derek walked over to their bed and sat down on the edge, his head falling into his hands with a sigh. Meredith sat down next to him, her hand rubbing calming circles into his back as she waited for him to talk. "We need to go to California. Our flight leaves in two hours. We need to leave now, or I do anyways."

"Derek, why do we need to get on a plane? I can't just leave Izzie right now," Meredith said softly.

Derek looked up at Meredith for a moment before saying anything, "It's Sam. He's sick, Meredith."


	31. Chapter 31: Down to California

Meredith adjusted in her seat, unable to find a comfortable position. She rested her elbow on the armrest and placed her chin in her hand, glancing out the window. Derek watched her, wondering what was going through her mind. He was afraid how she would react if he approached her about it right now, so he left her alone.

"Welcome aboard and thank you for flying with American Airlines…" the overhead speaker began before Meredith tuned it out and watched as the last few pieces of luggage were added to the plane. She heard Derek open a magazine next to her, but she didn't look over at him. Emotions were running through her mind and body, thoughts ranging over a million topics. She didn't know what to do or say.

The plane took off, silence still between the couple. Derek finally gave up on distracting his mind and stuffed the magazine in the pocket of the chair in front of him. He sighed and looked over at Meredith, her eyes glued to the window, her body turned away from him. Hopeful, he took her left hand in his, running his fingers over her own, happily stopping at her engagement ring.

She slowly looked up at him, her face holding an expression he couldn't describe. His eyes encouraged her to speak, but it still took her a few moments to say anything. "You didn't tell me," she said softly.

Derek's face became concerned as he saw pain reflected in her eyes. "I didn't tell you? Tell you about Sam?" he questioned, his voice soft and soothing.

"You didn't tell me. You didn't tell me and I deserved to know," she before pulling her hand out of his grasp and turning to the window again.

"Meredith…" he said softly, stunned that she had completely pulled away, "I needed time to digest it. Sam, he's practically my brother. You barely knew him."

"Barely knew him?' she spat out mockingly, her eyes turning to him annoyingly. "I lived with him. I learned so much about him. We confided in each other. We got really close. He can understand me in a way no one else can. He was the only one who could make me listen, who could figure out what I wanted."

"What you wanted?" Derek asked, his own anger slowly beginning to boil under his skin.

"You," she said almost disgustingly before turning back to the window again. She took a deep breath and spoke slowly and softly her face still turned away from him, "I didn't know what I wanted anymore. And then when I finally realized it was you, I was still ready to give up. There were too many things in the way. I just decided that I'd be miserable for the rest of my life. He made all of the complications go away."

* * *

"_Okay, so you want to tell me why we're strolling along a deserted beach?" Meredith asked as the waves crashed around her, barely missing her now barefoot feet._

_"Well, you didn't want to be bored," Sam answered._

_"No, really," Meredith said, trying to sound serious. "Why here?"_

_Sam put his hands in his pockets and looked up at the sky before letting his eyes cast down at Meredith, "Well, because I love it here."_

_"So there is a nonsarcastic sensitive side of Sam after all?" she joked as a wave barely touched her feet, allowing the cold water to send shivers through her body. _

_"Maybe," Sam said looking down at the sand as they continued to walk. _

**Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time  
And hung me on a line  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you **

"_I like it out here," Meredith said, interrupting a sweet silence that had grew between them. "It's quiet and relaxed. It's beautiful." Sam smiled at her, but offered her now response. "What? No sarcastic remark?" she joked._

"_Maybe I'm a little more complex than you give me credit for," Sam answered, still smiling at her, creating his own weakening look. _

_Meredith smiled back at him before casting her eyes over to the crashing waves, "Maybe you are."_

**Maybe I'm a girl and maybe I'm a lonely girl**

**Who's In the middle of something  
That she doesn't really understand**

"_Meredith?" Sam asked, tearing her eyes back towards him. "Why did you do it? Why did you run from the wedding and then from Derek too?"_

_Meredith looked down at the sand as she crossed her arms over her chest for protection from the sea breeze. "Derek and I, we're complicated. Every time I go back to him, promises are made, but then are broken. Then I end up hurt and broken." She looked back up at Sam with tears clouding her eyes, "I'm just so tired of being broken." She looked back down at the sand, willing her tears to go away. "I knew I didn't love Ryan. If I left him, I knew it would hurt, but if I married him and then left him, that'd kill him. There was no easy solution. There still isn't. But that's all that I had."_

**Maybe I'm a girl and maybe you're the only man  
Who could ever help me  
Baby won't you help me understand**

"_Meredith, everything that is broken can be fixed," Sam said softly. "It'll take time, and a lot of work, but one day, you won't be broken anymore."_

"_Does it really go away?" Meredith asked, looking in his eyes expectantly._

"_I don't know, but I'm determined to be optimistic," Sam joked, eliciting a small giggle from her mouth. _

_A few silent moments went between them before Meredith spoke again, "Your ex-wife, she did a real number on you, didn't she?"_

_Sam let out a nervous laugh, "Yeah, you could say that."_

** Maybe I'm a girl and maybe I'm a lonely girl**

**Who's In the middle of something  
That she doesn't really understand **

"_What happened?" Meredith asked, a little afraid that she was over stepping some boundaries, having only known him for four days._

_Sam looked up to the sky, as if he was looking for some type of explanation. Finding none, he turned back towards Meredith. "It was complicated. That's just how love is. Complicated. But, I… I gave up. I gave in to the complications that the world puts out for love nowadays. It's like life is completely against anyone being happy anymore. But when you really love someone, you have to fight through all that. It's possible, people… people like me… we just give in too early."_

**Maybe I'm a girl and maybe you're the only man  
Who could ever help me  
Baby won't you help me understand**

"_You really loved her, didn't you?" Meredith said, not really thinking about her words._

_Sam laughed a little, "Well I was married to her, wasn't I?" he asked receiving a small chuckle from her. "But yeah, despite everything that happened, I did. I did and to this day, I still do. I don't think I ever won't. Not to sound gay or anything," he said eyeing Meredith, "But it's an all consuming love. The kind of love you can't forget. No matter how many times you push it away, tell yourself it's over and that it's never coming back, or try again with other people. Despite all of that, it's still there, fighting for itself. It's the kind of love that makes you forgive that person no matter what they do. The kind where that person does everything, but nothing at the exact time. It's just… unimaginable. It seems outrageous and dreamlike. But that's the thing, when you have love like that, it's like you're living out your dreams."_

**Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time **

**Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song  
Right me when I'm wrong**

_And right in the second, she realized how much she really did miss Derek._

**Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you**

* * *

"He saved you," Derek said softly, his face falling.

Meredith turned to him at his words, her anger melting. "No, Derek…" she said concerned taking her hand in his.

"No, I hurt you and he saved you."

"Derek, you didn't hurt me. It was me," Meredith explained, her finger tracing Derek's face and making her look at me, "I was the one with Ryan. You were divorced. It was me who stopped it. Don't feel guilty."

"You went to him because you couldn't come to me. You didn't feel like you could come to me," Derek said looking up to Meredith.

"But I did come to you. Because I love you and I always will," Meredith explained desperately.

Derek nodded, "I should have told you, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Meredith said honestly.

"I love you," Derek murmured against her lips before kissing her.

* * *

The flight was relatively short and calming, the taxi ride to the hotel the same way. Derek had quickly checked them in and took their small bags up to the room. Meredith had been impressed by the décor and she probably would have jumped him right then and there if they were under different circumstances. But, they weren't. 

"Is he in the hospital?" Meredith asked softly as she sat on the edge of the bed and slipped off her shoes, her feet killing her.

"Yeah," Derek said as he placed their bags in the closet and began to go through his own, "We can go see him tomorrow. It's pretty late now."

Meredith nodded as she dropped her feet back down to the ground and her hands rubbed against her jeans. Derek stopped what he was doing and looked at her for a moment, "You okay?"

Her head snapped up at his question, and something crossed her eyes that he couldn't exactly read, "What's wrong with him? I mean, I'm here in California again and I don't even know what's wrong with him. I haven't even spoken with him in weeks. That's horrible."

"Meredith," Derek said soothingly, sitting down next to her and draping his arm around her back, pulling her small body to his chest, "He stopped talking to everyone. He didn't want us to know. Nina told me, not him. My Mom got suspicious when he stopped being at home and he finally spilled."

"It's not fair, Derek. He started writing again. He was going to start living again and… it's just not fair," Meredith sobbed into his chest, his arms wrapping tighter around her, "He's going to survive, isn't he? It's nothing too serious, is it?" she asked, pulling away from him and looking into his eyes a hopeful look across her face.

When he opened his mouth and hesitated, her heart dropped. She knew what that meant; she knew what he was trying to do. "Derek, stop protecting me. I'm a doctor. You don't need to protect me from a diagnosis. Just tell me and get it over with," she said, pulling completely out of his arms.

Derek sighed as she pulled away, knowing her emotions were going with her. He looked into her eyes and spoke slowly, "A few months after he got divorced, he was diagnosed with cancer."

"That was years ago," Meredith whispered, her voice barely audible.

Derek nodded, "He recovered and he was fine, but he is having a relapse."

* * *

"_Sam?" Meredith asked looking up from the second to last chapter of his book._

_"Yeah?" Sam said, looking over at her._

_"It's raining," she said, looking over at the large window._

_Sam looked at her, "Yes, it's been raining almost all day."_

_"I hate the rain," she said simply._

_"Oh, well then, good thing you live in Seattle, huh?" Sam said with a small laugh._

_"Well I'm not in Seattle. I'm in California. It's not supposed to rain in California," Meredith complained._

_"Nowhere is perfect. Spend enough time in paradise and you'll still be able to find a flaw within it," Sam answered._


End file.
